When your confidence starts to shake..……

Often you may find your confidence level going down or shaking. This can dent your efficiency and effectiveness, comfort and composure. If you can find the reasons, it is then possible for you to address. You would discover that some of these could be very trivial and some are terrible!

Look at what can tamper your confidence:

1. Conflict of thoughts

  • Is my belief right or wrong?
  • Will it work or will it not?
  • Shall I do or shall I drop?
  • What is it, if I go wrong?
  • Standing at cross roads; unable to decide which direction to go.

Though you believe in decisions; but you become indecisive!

2. Conflict of interests

  • Your stakes are high; but you suspect setback!
  • Your image is high; but you worry for it getting impaired.
  • People have high expectations from you; but you fear failure.
3. Conflict of actions
  • Gap in what you believe and what you do.
  • Using duel yard sticks – one for self and another for others.
  • You initiate action; but lack conviction in pursuing.
  • Attempts to gain at the cost of others.
4. Overly Concerned
  • What would others think of you?
  • Getting nervous with size of audience or position of person/s, with whom you need to communicate.
  • Fear of unknown.
  • Desire to please all, though not possible.
  • Envy those, whom you perceive as better performers, rather than learning from them.
5. Contradictory results
  • Putting-in what you think as your best efforts; but success eludes you.
  • Driving for a change; but you are driven to wall.
  • People take your sincerity and sanctity as granted and they do not hesitate to manipulate.
  • You discover your trusted or dear ones digging under your feet.

6.     Facing Crisis

  • Setback to your image, status or career.
  • Your actions triggering a controversy or raking up an issue.
  • Your beliefs prove to be wrong or exaggerated, arousing your reaction or ego.
  • Fingers being raised on your character or your credibility being doubted.
  • Your health is not helping.

7.     Getting Criticism

  • Dressing-down by your boss or spouse.
  • You are put down by your peers.
  • Not being recognized for what you perceive as good work.
  • When others feel hurt by your doings.

So, what you need to do?

Just 2 things –

A. Be aware of (1) to (4) and abandon or reject these outright!

Heaven would not fall on earth, if you still go wrong. But, if you don’t do that, chances of heaven falling down would only improve. After all, you need not be right every time and “wrong would only make you right”. So, get it going; do not hold.

B. Evaluate (5) to (7); somewhere you would be wrong and elsewhere you may be right. Hold the Right and correct the Wrong!

Here is the key to real confidence:

Sticking to own beliefs and views, regardless these are right or wrong, is over- confidence. It would kill you one day.

Under-confidence is an ailment, which would trouble you every day.

Having own beliefs and views, with room for change and correction whenever necessary, is the only Real Confidence! It would be difficult to get shaken!!



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16 responses to “When your confidence starts to shake..……”

  1. Ajay Nichit Avatar
    Ajay Nichit

    Well written real life article..We always face this confidence shaking instances in some/many point of time in our life. This will help us to take right decision at right time..Thanks for this real life changging idea/Article..

    1. murli Avatar

      Thanks; very encouraging feedback! I wish you the best and great confidence in what you decide and do.

  2. Kaushik Roy Chowdhury Avatar
    Kaushik Roy Chowdhury

    I have gone through the points and they seem to be well meant and practically very true in our lives and we could reap benefits from the suggestions.
    What I feel day in and day out is the need to self assess and self introspection to understand my inner being. Trying to adjust to my situation but give room for others ideas is beneficial. Also thinking about a decision making situation from all angles and then stick to the final decision which should be ruled by mind and not heart is the way to go.

    1. murli Avatar

      Great feedback; thanks! At this point of time, the series of posts is regarding “Science behind Your Life”. All these put-together (many more to come), I hope, would help you to self assess and introspect better. Just be careful about one thing – there is very thin line between “Self introspection” and “Self blame”. Do not permit the latter one!

  3. Naveen Avatar

    Good one Sir, there was something for me to take away from your post, liked the way you simplified it into a checklist with a binary solution at the end.

    Reminds me of another simple but astoundingly profound statement that monks are told to mediate on. They are told to sit in front of a plaque/clay tablet with the words “Know thyself”.

    Thanks for posting this.

    1. murli Avatar

      Very praise worthy “observation and drawing a parallel”! Indeed appreciate and thanks.

    2. Naveen Avatar

      Sorry a correction: I remembered it as Buddhist Monks, the statement actually came from ancient Greek philosophers.

  4. Pranjali Avatar

    Hello Sir,

    Excellent article! Confidence is like a person’s shadow which empowers the life.
    In fact, it is one of the governing factors to be successful in life.
    Thanks for giving us the points which affect confidence. I can relate so many of those points to my life & can now take some action.
    Thanks for giving us confidence in this direction. This was very much needed every now & then! I will definitely follow the two things mentioned by you. Thanks once again.

    1. murli Avatar

      Very profound feedback and well stated! It is strengthening my Confidence!! I am glad that you are finding this post so useful.

  5. Raj Avatar

    Thank you Sir, for me this is one of the best, short & simple and specially a very useful article.

    1. murli Avatar

      Great! I am very pleased with your elegant feedback. Make the best out of it.

  6. Arun Avatar

    Well Well Mr. Lohia,

    Why did you leave a teaser at the end?

    You said “Under-confidence is an ailment, which would trouble you every day.” How do you fix that?

    Your current article of course is about situations that shake one’s confidence , whereas underconfidence is chronic!

    But it is a really nice article. It must have taken a lot of thinking to write and structure it this way!!!

    Warm regards, Arun

    1. murli Avatar

      Very interesting comments and observations!! I like it and also many thanks.

      See, somehow all of us are used to spicy things (real taste comes only when there is contrast – my previous post) and teasing is one of its forms. Under- confidence, though chronic, does hurt. To my knowledge, only way to fix it to follow 2 things, I have proposed at the end of the post. I know it would not be easy; but get behind and just practice it, until it becomes part of your life.

      Yes, it does take lot of time and thinking to create some thing new; but real to life. I made 1st draft, only to realize at the end that its flow may not be appealing to my guests to CYI site and 2nd one is what you now see.

  7. Rudra Avatar

    …couldn’t agree with you anymore… just thought of expressing a bit of my brainstorming as well… what I’ve experienced in my short life so far… 🙂

    Conflict of thoughts: Yepp!! whenever I felt my thoughts are conflicting and I am in an indecisive frame of mind, I close my eyes for a split second and notice which exact path I see at first and follow that without giving it any second thought. This worked for me more often than not.

    Conflict of interests: Even if I’ve the fear of a setback, getting impaired or a failure… I should’ve enough belief and courage in me to get all the respect back in a matter of time. Failure would definitely come – today or tomorrow – it’s inevitable, but then… it’s all about how you undo that and eventually, rise to the occasion… 🙂

    Conflict of actions: In my case, never ever happens and shouldn’t happen with anybody else either.

    Overly Concerned: What I think is you should never be bogged-down by the crowd. Always remember, you are a part of that crowd too and you belong to the crowd… so it’s really a shame if you fear others or the audience that consists of you…

    I know I am nowhere close as far as writing and sharing experiences is concerned, but this is just what I felt… 🙂

    Good going Mr. Lohia… hope to hear more from you!!

    1. murli Avatar

      Many thanks for your comments and sharing your experience/how you handle yourself! You do well from what you have expressed. Great that conflict of actions does not happen with you; but your wish “it should not happen with anybody else either” is too tall an order. Some of the most common things with people are having duel yardsticks, gap in what they believe and what they do and more.

      And, one thing where we need a caution – mistaken understanding between “over-confidence” and “real confidence”.

      Appreciate your interest! Please keep it up.

      1. Rudra Avatar

        Exactly!! You hit the nail on the head. Its the “real-confidence” that one should possess… it makes a big difference…

        Waiting for some more interesting posts from you… 🙂

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