Tag Archives: Notion

Why best of partners part their ways in worst manners!

abcGeorge Clooney, famed Hollywood actor was adjudged as one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, until he decided to tie the knot with Amal Alamuddin, an international and human rights lawyer, in September 2014. Press has written lot of love stories and quotes for the couple; but, it has now reported that their marriage is on the rocks. A more than decade old fairy tale like relationship of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has completely fractured few months back. All the fanfare behind courtship and marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West seems to be in doldrums.

Stories of Bollywood or Indian celebrities are no different – break-up of industrialist Nes Wadia and actress Preity Zinta, tennis player Leander Paes and actress Mahima Chaudhary, Sarika and Kamal Hasaan – both from film industry, actor Hrithik Roshan and interior designer Sussanne and so on.

Forget the celebrities, look at common people as partners, whom you believe as best in your neighborhood and you may discover that their partnership is not easy.

It seems to a very common feature that what ensue on the best nod ends on a worst note. What was prominent to start with, equally or more painful is to end with a relationship. It appears as if it is an order arranged by nature.

Our notion or definition for what makes it best is much fractured

Two very attractive faces, two equally and highly qualified spouses, two strong or influential personalities or pair from two famous families are perceived as best partners. But, history shows that such pairs cease to live at ease sooner and eventually break up sordidly.

Do you believe that two equally intelligent spouses, two tall partners or two accomplished persons in same profession co-exist congenially? They don’t; they face more disagreements than agreements since each one has his/her own ideas, which he/she would like to prevail with. Arguments fly high and disenchantment grows. It is like two identical polarities repelling each other.

Two best together cannot make best-square or ideal pair. Only when two persons complement each other by their characters and attributes, they make ideal combination. It means that if one is strong headed, other should be mild; if first one is extrovert, other one be introvert. If one is bright; other should be dull. And you would soon realize that it is not very appealing!

So, what is ideal?

The best pair or combination is what is individually balanced!

This is true of any form of relationship. If you want your honeymoon with a customer to last long, you on your part have to be balanced in your dealing – neither too cozy nor too curt.

Popularity or prominence is prone to prejudices

Everyone wants to be popular and be in public eyes. You soon start to enjoy your image and prestige. And, greed goes in your head and you get addicted to have more and more of prominence. This is the starting point of driving a divide between the pair. In initial period, one or both would not even realize or acknowledge that anything wrong is developing; this is stage of denial. By the time one or both wake up, it is already too late normally to normalize back.

So, too much public glare could be gloomy; your high image can lower intimacy with your partner; lot of fanfare about your relationship can turn into source of frustration.

One thing is very clear – if your choice is to build a relationship, you have to choose to banish your biases at all costs!

Partnership is more a game of compromises and not gaining command over each other.

Therefore, your private as well as professional life is at its best if you are balanced and free from biases!

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One master key that can open many doors of opportunities!

When opportunities open for you! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Most of us would like host of opportunities to come our way. We would like have highly remunerative job in hand, be able to change to better employer when needed, dream home to live in, fabulous vacation at bargain price and so on. However, sometimes we get those and other times, we have to be content with or compromise our needs or wants, since desired opportunities do not show up or some of those come our way but never fructify.

Most people work hard to become more deserving or increase their potential to attract better opportunities through additional MBA, MS or other specialized qualifications in their portfolio, attending courses to enhance their soft skills like managerial courage, conflict management, communication, focus, decision making or leadership. However, it is often seen that those, who are destined to get opportunities, get it without additional degrees or development programs! More the qualifications and certifications are, less are the opportunities available for most; Murphy’s Law seems to rule the roast!

One thing is certain – people, who do get opportunities easily, do their things very differently than those, who may be dexterous and diligent but are deprived of opportunities! The most powerful key to bring such a differentiation is “Open mindedness”!

One may be very dynamic, dashing, dedicated, diligent, highly qualified and/or experienced; but if she or he is not truly opened minded, all of those attributes would not be of much avail! An open mind is a master stroke to defy Murphy’s Law!!

There are 4 types of people:

  • Those who are not open minded.
    They are dogmatic!
  • Those who are open sometimes and close minded on other times.
    They are directionless or opportunistic! 
  • Those who are open by desire but close their mind, when it comes to doing it.
    They are dithering type.
  • Those who are truly open.
    They are decisive!

It is only the last category above, who holds the master key to open doors to opportunities.

Signs of open mindedness

Everyone would say she/he knows what open mind is; but research shows only less than 5% of people really comprehend it correctly.

True definition of open mind is – “Absence of any preconceived notion and presence of mind”! This definition implies that mind is always in attentive and present mode.

Clear signage of an open mind is:

  1. You would be a great listener.
  2. Your mind would never be overwhelmed by your ego, emotions and prejudices.
  3. You would not have hard traits or habits.
  4. You would accept the realities without hesitation.
  5. You would never be afraid of being proved wrong.
  6. Your capacity to take risks and challenges by choice would be enormous.
  7. Your faith or beliefs can’t blind or blank your mind.
  8. You would not turn blind eye even to your mentor, teacher, preacher or guru.
  9. You are unlikely to block your mind by choosing a role model!
  10. You are bound to be candid and upright! You would hate to play politics or have split personality!
  11. You would be free from confusion and full of confidence!

Significance of an open mind!

An open mind would not only be attentive, receptive and present, but also be clear. You automatically become a keen observer! The clarity of mind would help you to see opportunities in every problem or challenge!

Remember the fact that mother of all opportunities is nothing but problem, issue or challenge!!

In short, an open mind makes you a positive man, who is constantly seeking, cracking and creating opportunities in every sense. When you do that, then your luck or destiny comes chasing you; believe me. The popular phrase – “God helps those, who help themselves” comes true on you! You would be amazed to see how one good news brings another; one opportunity opens the door of another.

Open mind brings sense of deep satisfaction and accomplishment. What is very important to understand here is that when mind is open, it has to necessarily close on decisions and actions!

So, would you not like to make your mind truly open and obtain the master key to control be it your career or be it destiny?

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Greatest management technique is in mastering Murphy’s Law!

Toast more likely to fall on side of jam, if carpet is more expensive! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Ever since I released my 1st article about Murphy’s Law on 08-Aug-2013, I have been experimenting with this law and collecting data to establish its truths and myths and the way it impacts what we do.

I wish to emphasize the law has very significant influence on our professional and personal lives, because a microscopic view of same helps to understand how to come to the grip of realities and how to influence events that have still not become realities!

To recap, Murphy’s Law is a simple statement “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong!” Popularity of this law is vindicated by fact that several books have been authored after converting it into innumerable corollaries and quotes, which indeed applies in our day to day life. Irony is that this law or its interpretations do not talk of “Anything that can go right, will go right”, which is absolutely correct and valid for all of us! It is a clear case of negative statements catching fancy of everyone, whereas positive ones should be firing our imagination! Great paradox is none of us want problems; but we always get stuck with what we want to strike-out!!

Murphy’s Law proves that humans are error prone. If we can reach to roots of how this law works, we would be armed with formidable technique of avoiding wrong decisions and actions, rightly managing business and people.

Mystery behind Murphy’s Law

My research for past 18 months shows:

  1. When I was desperate that my vendors supply on time, they delivered late on 16 out of 19 instances (84%)!
  2. Whenever I was cool, 13 out of 15 times (87%) vendors delivered on time!
  3. When I was confident that things would now not go wrong, 51 out of 80 times (64%) things did go wrong. When I analyzed in retrospect, I found that I was overconfident!!
  4. I decided to investigate why I commit mistakes while filling in a payment cheque, which I wanted it to least happen.
    I found that 18 out of 20 instances (90%), I was conscious (rather over-conscious) that I must not commit mistake while filling the cheques.
  5. I received 9 pieces of disturbing information in last 18 months and 6 of those were followed by more distressful issues (67%) within hours!
    It then occurred to me that whenever there is headline news in print media about harassment or intolerance, similar news from other places keep getting reported for few more days. Not that such subsequent incidences were fresh; those had already occurred but reported now. It clearly confirms that people quickly relate negative news to other negative ones and relay same promptly!
  6. Whenever I was determined not to get disturbed by anyone, more than 80% of time I was disrupted by unexpected visit of someone or phone calls.
  7. I had woken up in morning very irritated on 11 occasions due to body aches. I purposely decided not to take pain killer. On those days (100%), more irrational things happened, infuriating me; but those incidences stopped, when I took pain killer and got physically relieved.
  8. One weekend, I prepared tea for my wife with all good thoughts and care. No sooner she took first sip, she banged – what a bad taste! I started to wonder why my positive state of mind provoked her negatively; but soon realized that while being lost in that state, I had put extra spoon of sugar.
    I then learnt my lesson that getting obsessed with ovations or overwhelmed with emotions is actually not positive!!
  9. Once I started my day on high energy; but completely got drained by series of bad incidences. I started to wonder what’s happening. Oh; it was Friday 13th Feb, 2015! But, I never believed in such day/numbers!!
    So, I decided to check whether I would have bad patches on the next similar occasion. On Friday, 13th March this month, I decided to welcome worse but it never showed up!
    So, it was my negativity of 13th Feb, which took the toll and not number 13 and Friday! 

It is negativity, which nags us all the way!

Above real life examples are akin to Murphy’s Law. Incidences under point 1, 3 to 6, 8 and 9 show how negativity makes things go wrong. 2 shows when you are positive, things go right and 7 shows how when you become positive even with help of medicine, wrong changes to right!

Following would demystify Murphy’s Law:

  1. “Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong” is just a statement of negative reality. Opposite is equally true!
  2. Since we are prone to negativity, we notice, worry and count it far more often than positives. We consider counting positive is no brainer; so lose its count.
  3. People relate and relay negative information far too promptly than positive ones.
  4. Negative happenings make us too conscious and hence vulnerable to commit mistakes. That’s why we experience negativity bringing more negativity. 
  5. Notion that negativity can counter negativity is bunk; yet we believe in it. That’s the reason we are tempted to handle rude person with rudeness or reciprocate abuses with abusiveness.
  6. Negativity highly satisfies our ego!
  7. Negativity comes easy and takes innumerable forms – worry, wishful, fear, fury, obsession or depression. Therefore, most find glamor in negativity, whereas glory comes from positivity.
  8. It is an illusion that while being negative, you can ever be positive! These are mutually exclusive!!

If you can manage or manipulate Murphy’s Law as above to stay positive, you would be the most effective manager at your work as well as life!

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Is there any alternative to being fair and good?

Does that help? Source: http://www.flickr.com/

If a sub-ordinate commits a mistake, supervisor is up in arms, gets angry, reprimands, issues a warning and develops adverse opinion against him/her. On other hand, sub-ordinate reacts and regrets working under such boss. Both think that they are right in what they perceive and do! Issue escalates until a flash point, when the sub-ordinate gets transferred or resigns. If the supervisor is toxic, more of employees meet the same fate. When sub-ordinates become supervisors, they replicate behavior of their previous bosses, since that’s the legacy they have learnt!

If a child is mischievous or disobedient, most parents believe that only way to make him/her disciplined is to hand over punishment or time-out. Eventually, such children turn out to be tough nuts to crack, since they hardly learnt from their parents how to be patient and polite.

If it is governance of corporates or countries, it is more of identifying guilty and going after them, taking credit by discrediting others, tit for tat and not giving freedom for fear of losing it. Majority of management believes commands and reprimands are the best means to manage.

Do above traits and techniques yield results? The perpetrators obviously believe it does; but that is bunk!

Approaches and attempts that never fructify; but everyone keeps faith, albeit false!

You would be amazed to know that more than 80% of man’s actions world over are initiated by his reactions and additional at least 15% are after thoughts; but based on wrong notions and hence, all of these go awry! Some of the most commonly practiced or perceived are:

  1. Punctuality can be improved by punishing employees or helping hands.
  2. By rushing or being rash, you can recover lost time or glory.
  3. Mistakes can be corrected by critical of the one who committed.
  4. You can bring harmony by hating and detesting dissent or discontent.
  5. Grilling and drilling of a guilty would guarantee non-reoccurrence of guilt.
  6. Winning an argument is a sign of wisdom, rather than avoiding it!
  7. Slamming and shaming a shameless can make him sober!
  8. Saying sorry can soothe sore feelings.
  9. Through penalties, one can promote compliances.
  10. Effect of bad karma can be eliminated by good karma.
  11. By assuring jobs, regardless of merit or competence, you can bring social justice.
  12. It is a sign of strength to hold hands of strong and shrug off the weak.
  13. You can impress public by implicating your rivals.
  14. You can spread faith by force or fear.
  15. Democracy and freedom can flourish by winning wars.
  16. Terrorism and fundamentalism can be fought and finished by force.

Irony is doers of above are staunch believers that these work. What really works is something entirely different.

Short cuts sway humans!

Take example of stand-off between husband and wife, supervisor and sub-ordinate, political rivals, neighboring countries, they would be ever ready raise the pitch until a peak, when wiser counsel prevails on one of them and then they sit, talk and resolve. If they don’t do that, they can go to any extent to inflict damage and suffer.

Each party starts to believe that because it raised the pitch, the other one came to its senses. This is hogwash! Wiser counsel does exist in minds of both. It surfaces in one earlier than another because of several factors working in background. But, ego of each one gives credence to controversies rather than mutual communications and consent!

Most of us are slave to short cuts – first reaction, spontaneous emotions, showing off physical or political power. When we are overtaken by emotions, we don’t mind to pay a plum price; but when we are overwhelmed by rationale, we refuse to make a small sacrifice and buy in peace. Bitter but true that human race survives on brinkmanship – first get into crisis or controversy and when comes to knot, then resolve.

What works!

Bad has an alternative; but good has none! 

Regardless, who you are, how good or great you are, being bad or unfair by thoughts, taste or deeds can nothing but be bad for you. Someone else being bad does not qualify you to become bad. If you still so wish, you can be and make futile efforts and costly mistakes. God or divine force is not going to stop you and they would also not intervene when you pay a price; heavy at times!

It is ludicrous to try tryst with what is bad, because you can only lose!

So, do you agree that what pays is unstinted faith in being good and fair?

Also, please never get confused with plethora of definitions, terms or jargons for good and fair. It is as simple as:

  • Good is what makes you conscious and composed!
  • Fair is what frees you from fear and favors!!
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Can your Genes make you Genius?

A Genius in making! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Is ability to become a genius a genetic phenomenon? None from family of Albert Einstein, who was undoubtedly one of the greatest geniuses, parents or grandparents, was known to be genius in any field. From his first wife, who also studied science, he had 1 daughter and 2 sons. But, none of Einstein’s children did anything spectacular in their profession. Another notable genius – Isaac Newton had his parents with farming background and none in his family tree showed any sign of being genius. He did not get married.

Statistically, children of most geniuses that history has produced seem to be mediocre! It appears rare that a genius has given birth to another genius!!

So, what makes a genius?

Genes are only good to trigger a set of tendencies!

Can your genes predetermine what would be your character and competencies? Biology or physiology does not have a clear answer. Latest research shows that genes or DNA does have effect on your tendencies; but, these can undergo a change depending upon the environments, in which you grow or by practice, you could effect a change!

So, genes may prompt a person to have tendency of being creative, hyperactive possessive or destructive. A child of a scientist could be creative as well as possessive and could turn out to be a fashion designer. However, possessive tendency may not make her/him a genius or extra-ordinary, unless she/he endeavors to dilute this tendency!

Do geniuses have to be eccentric or abnormal?

There is a misconception in minds of many that a normal human being can’t be a genius. Paradoxically, historical data shows that most geniuses tend to be abnormal in their behavior. Problem essentially crops up from the fact that a genius tends to be highly passionate or even obsessed and insanely engaged with his/her field of activity to the extent that he/she starts to ignore feelings of other people and other attributes of a good life. This makes them isolated, unfriendly or uncanny!

To my knowledge, if a genius has balanced life and vibe, he/she would be far more effective and efficient! So, we need to drop the notion that a genius is likely to be eccentric; but to have unconventional thinking or style is perfectly in order!!

Can an average level IQ make you genius?

Contrary to popular belief, intelligence or IQ level has nothing to do with ingenuity! A genius would mostly likely not score high number in IQ test. In other words, a high IQ person is unlikely to be a genius! And ironically as also historically, emotional intelligence – EQ of a genius also tends to be low!!

Low IQ and EQ levels are what make a person ordinary! So, there is no reason why an ordinary person cannot be a genius!! But…. here below is the real catch:

  1. Science has so far not been able to figure out what makes a genius!
    It is busy measuring dimensions of parietal lobe of cerebral cortex and some other parts of human brain. They have done this for Einstein post his demise!!
    But, through this article, you have possibility to fathom how genius comes.
  2. Genius does not reside in genes, but in mind!
    But ironically, science does not know where exactly resides mind!!
    And, every normal human being has same power of mind!!!
  3. To be genius:
    1. You need no preconceived notion!
    2. You need to disbelieve known beliefs.
    3. You need to go off-track.
    4. You need to think freely, yet focus within a predefined perimeter.
    5. You need to be free from fear and fallacies.
    6. You need to think diverse but dedicatedly.
    7. You need to be passionate, but never prisoner of your own or others’ thoughts.
    8. You need to believe in impossible.
    9. You need to have deep sense of a purpose and single minded pursuit!

Now, choose an area you want to be genius in!

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