Tag Archives: Ideas

Why best of partners part their ways in worst manners!

abcGeorge Clooney, famed Hollywood actor was adjudged as one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, until he decided to tie the knot with Amal Alamuddin, an international and human rights lawyer, in September 2014. Press has written lot of love stories and quotes for the couple; but, it has now reported that their marriage is on the rocks. A more than decade old fairy tale like relationship of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has completely fractured few months back. All the fanfare behind courtship and marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West seems to be in doldrums.

Stories of Bollywood or Indian celebrities are no different – break-up of industrialist Nes Wadia and actress Preity Zinta, tennis player Leander Paes and actress Mahima Chaudhary, Sarika and Kamal Hasaan – both from film industry, actor Hrithik Roshan and interior designer Sussanne and so on.

Forget the celebrities, look at common people as partners, whom you believe as best in your neighborhood and you may discover that their partnership is not easy.

It seems to a very common feature that what ensue on the best nod ends on a worst note. What was prominent to start with, equally or more painful is to end with a relationship. It appears as if it is an order arranged by nature.

Our notion or definition for what makes it best is much fractured

Two very attractive faces, two equally and highly qualified spouses, two strong or influential personalities or pair from two famous families are perceived as best partners. But, history shows that such pairs cease to live at ease sooner and eventually break up sordidly.

Do you believe that two equally intelligent spouses, two tall partners or two accomplished persons in same profession co-exist congenially? They don’t; they face more disagreements than agreements since each one has his/her own ideas, which he/she would like to prevail with. Arguments fly high and disenchantment grows. It is like two identical polarities repelling each other.

Two best together cannot make best-square or ideal pair. Only when two persons complement each other by their characters and attributes, they make ideal combination. It means that if one is strong headed, other should be mild; if first one is extrovert, other one be introvert. If one is bright; other should be dull. And you would soon realize that it is not very appealing!

So, what is ideal?

The best pair or combination is what is individually balanced!

This is true of any form of relationship. If you want your honeymoon with a customer to last long, you on your part have to be balanced in your dealing – neither too cozy nor too curt.

Popularity or prominence is prone to prejudices

Everyone wants to be popular and be in public eyes. You soon start to enjoy your image and prestige. And, greed goes in your head and you get addicted to have more and more of prominence. This is the starting point of driving a divide between the pair. In initial period, one or both would not even realize or acknowledge that anything wrong is developing; this is stage of denial. By the time one or both wake up, it is already too late normally to normalize back.

So, too much public glare could be gloomy; your high image can lower intimacy with your partner; lot of fanfare about your relationship can turn into source of frustration.

One thing is very clear – if your choice is to build a relationship, you have to choose to banish your biases at all costs!

Partnership is more a game of compromises and not gaining command over each other.

Therefore, your private as well as professional life is at its best if you are balanced and free from biases!

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Idealism fans out to Fanaticism, Ferociousness & more

It is very common to follow what you believe as “ideal ways and ideals set (by others)” in your pursuit and passion for achieving your goals. When success starts to turn in, a turning point also comes when your passion for such ideal ways and ideals set becomes stronger and stronger. Such strong passion invariably leads to obsession, which is Idealism. In short, it evolves as:

Innocent Ideas –> Ideal ways –> Ideals –> Idealism –> onset of Ills!

Remember, every individual has his/her own definition or understanding of what he/she perceives as ideal, ideals and idealism. But one thing is blatantly common – beneath idealism is obsession!

How Ideal ways leading to Idealism gives birth to Autocratic Bosses

In corporate life, for instance, many are very dynamic and believe in quick actions and results. They perceive it as their virtue, passion and an ideal way to turn over great performance for the company. Such people would be highly demanding by nature and expect team to take prompt actions and deliver. In most cases, such drive over time becomes their obsession, regardless of comfort or crisis in the team. They would then impose their decisions on team, set tough targets and disallow dissent under garb of getting results for company. Unless conscious, which most are not, they would develop strong belief in their methods. For them, it is an ideal way; but it has already got translated into Idealism and gives birth to their autocratic leadership with toxic behavior!

Turn to private life – it is not bad to behold old traditions and values; but if you, as head of your family, become strong advocate or hard headed for same, you would impose these on younger generation in your family, refuse to compromise and in that process, crush their desire to lead a modern life! Such idealism would invite several ills!!

Ills of Idealism

So, idealism hurts in several ways:

  1. Isms trigger Issues, except few like optimism.
  2. It instills inflexibility.
  3. It inculcates hard notions.
  4. It insulates you from realities and rationales.
  5. It instigates you to over-zealously protect your ideas.
  6. It makes your vision and perspective parochial.
  7. It makes you inconsiderate and self-centered.

Ugly side of Idealism

Hard ideas/thoughts/notions go hand-in-hand with idealism. Hard ideas cannot remain stagnant and still in our mind. These are bound to come out in our actions or behavior; otherwise, these cannot remain “hard” anymore! Therefore, we feel strong urge to practice the same and proliferate around.

People, who are already in power and position, would demand that their ideas be implemented; failing which they would even enforce. Let us categorize them as “A” for corporate or institutional leaders/bosses and “B” for political and religious leaders, wielding formal power.

Those, who do not have formal power or position on public or professional platforms, would seek surreptitious methods to propagate. They generally take route through faith, indoctrination, public movement or preaching! Let us assign category “C” for them.

Methods and measures of categories A + B + C bring ugly side of Idealism! As a consequence, it shows up in variety of ways:

  • Ideology in case of A+B+C
  • Ferocity (Ferociousness) for A+B+C
  • Fundamentalism for C & partly B
  • Fanaticism for C & partly B
  • Extremism for C

You can see that category C, who swears by Idealism but without accountability, can unleash the most havoc and this is what history has witnessed!

Above 3 categories of people have several characteristics in common:

  1. Overwhelmed by obsession.
  2. Mistakenly perceive their obsession as passion.
  3. Wrongly believe their ideology as legacy.
  4. Foster fear factor.
  5. Live in fantasy, rather than reality and induce others to do so.
  6. Ruthlessly protective of their ideas.
  7. Thoughts are mixed with myths and mythology.
  8. Have vanity and vehemence.
  9. Implant ideology in your mind through indoctrination!
  10. Shut your mind, so that thinking beyond perimeters of what they preach and proliferate is not possible.

Inferences, you would be amazed with!

You need good ideas/thoughts for anything that you pursue.

You need to focus on these to get success and your notions are still soft (can be subject to change).

When success comes, you develop liking and love for those ideas and you start to believe those “ideas” are “ideal” for you.

That is how every passion gets developed, as also hard notions.

You see more wins coming your way.

This is when you start believing those “ideas” as your “ideals”.

Here is when you come on the edge!

If you stop being more possessive and passionate about these ideas/ideals, you would sustain and continue to swim through successes superbly.

If you push and perpetuate your passion and hard notions further, your ideals would translate into idealism. And you would invite ills!

You, then, run the risk of being fierce, ferocious, fanatic…….


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Myths about Mentoring in Corporates

I doubt that Employer and Employees world over realize that good mentoring is not only a great passage to great career and personal growth; but also great for company’s growth!

Few years back, I was requested by my overseas HR colleague to mentor one of high potential employees working in our company’s unit in a 3rd country. After receiving my consent, she wanted to match my profile with a potential mentee. I wondered how effective such program can be for an employee, with whom I have had no prior contact and resides in another country. So, I had no option but to refuse to be a mentor.

In another instance, I had nominated one of my senior colleagues to a leadership program, part of which was also mentorship for about a year. His mentor was selected from overseas location and both might have spent less than 25 hours over 4 occasions in more than a year. At the end, my colleague was nothing but frustrated.

Above 2 examples are very common in most companies!

Every corporate desires mentoring program; but lacks depth for its details. It talks tall; but falls short in execution.

Meaning of Mentoring

Several definitions have been floated in corporate world. Essentially, mentoring means inspiring a change and sharing ideas to upgrade one’s soft skills and abilities, to take her/his performance to higher levels and facilitate growth.

Myths about Mentoring

There are lot of myths and misconceptions about mentoring. Therefore, real success rate of current mentoring programs across globe is not more than 5%! Some of myths are:

  1.  Regardless of merit, Bosses and senior management personnel are automatically deemed as “qualified mentors”.
    This is a farce!
  2. Recommended qualities of a good mentor are known.
    These are actually grey and garbled.
  3. Notwithstanding pt. 2 above, the models of match making (mentor n mentee) are considered as working!
  4. It is a collaborative era and hence locations of mentor and mentee are not important – it can be anywhere anytime (time zones).
  5. Emphasis is more on making mentee to learn company processes, its values and achievements, and financial performance data, rather than focusing on how to set targets and achieve/exceed same, how and why to value “the value system of company” and then to enhance this.
  6. You do not need to live by mentoring; rather leave mentee alone to figure out!
  7. Training to train and develop mentors is not important!
    Ironically, almost all corporates put their belief in mentoring; but are clueless on necessity of such training.

Making Mentoring meaningful and impactful

  1. Give mentoring its due, by top leadership driving it.
  2. Introduce Chief Mentor’s post in the organization, who should be assessed and approved for his /her competence by a neutral agency. He/she should report directly to top management.
    Ex CEOs have become Chief Mentors in few well-known companies.
  3. Induct program to train mentors, preferably by engaging a competent person or agency from outside. It would be best, if person or agency is familiar with organization.
    Objective of this program should to train and qualify all top managers as mentors.
    It is very likely that some of the managers would fail to qualify. One, who cannot mentor, can also not be successful leader; yes boss he or she can be. Hence, this program would also serve a great cause to chalk out career path for managers.
  4. Best mentor for employees or mentees is always their manager, provided he/she qualifies as above. Next best option is peer of such manager, if qualified for mentoring.
  5. It should be made mandatory for all managers to manage 20% of their office time to mentor the designated mentees in his/her group.
    Above would push managers to develop their back- ups, where most take back-seat and promote delegation.
  6. Mentoring must monitor and address all qualities and behavioral aspects of mentees, as a professional.
    Most make mistakes in picking and choosing just those, perceived as required for leadership. Most qualities – good or bad, strong or weak, are interconnected in humans. For example, you cannot address mentee’s listening abilities, without paying attention to his ability to focus, extent of his ego and respect for others’ views!
  7. Measurements are must for performance of mentees and mentor. These should be taken as major inputs for yearly appraisals.

It is an established fact that Mentoring brings magnificent benefits to both Mentors and Mentees! It is an instrument to inspire and introduce an Epic Change!!

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