Tag Archives: Ideal

Why best of partners part their ways in worst manners!

abcGeorge Clooney, famed Hollywood actor was adjudged as one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, until he decided to tie the knot with Amal Alamuddin, an international and human rights lawyer, in September 2014. Press has written lot of love stories and quotes for the couple; but, it has now reported that their marriage is on the rocks. A more than decade old fairy tale like relationship of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has completely fractured few months back. All the fanfare behind courtship and marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West seems to be in doldrums.

Stories of Bollywood or Indian celebrities are no different – break-up of industrialist Nes Wadia and actress Preity Zinta, tennis player Leander Paes and actress Mahima Chaudhary, Sarika and Kamal Hasaan – both from film industry, actor Hrithik Roshan and interior designer Sussanne and so on.

Forget the celebrities, look at common people as partners, whom you believe as best in your neighborhood and you may discover that their partnership is not easy.

It seems to a very common feature that what ensue on the best nod ends on a worst note. What was prominent to start with, equally or more painful is to end with a relationship. It appears as if it is an order arranged by nature.

Our notion or definition for what makes it best is much fractured

Two very attractive faces, two equally and highly qualified spouses, two strong or influential personalities or pair from two famous families are perceived as best partners. But, history shows that such pairs cease to live at ease sooner and eventually break up sordidly.

Do you believe that two equally intelligent spouses, two tall partners or two accomplished persons in same profession co-exist congenially? They don’t; they face more disagreements than agreements since each one has his/her own ideas, which he/she would like to prevail with. Arguments fly high and disenchantment grows. It is like two identical polarities repelling each other.

Two best together cannot make best-square or ideal pair. Only when two persons complement each other by their characters and attributes, they make ideal combination. It means that if one is strong headed, other should be mild; if first one is extrovert, other one be introvert. If one is bright; other should be dull. And you would soon realize that it is not very appealing!

So, what is ideal?

The best pair or combination is what is individually balanced!

This is true of any form of relationship. If you want your honeymoon with a customer to last long, you on your part have to be balanced in your dealing – neither too cozy nor too curt.

Popularity or prominence is prone to prejudices

Everyone wants to be popular and be in public eyes. You soon start to enjoy your image and prestige. And, greed goes in your head and you get addicted to have more and more of prominence. This is the starting point of driving a divide between the pair. In initial period, one or both would not even realize or acknowledge that anything wrong is developing; this is stage of denial. By the time one or both wake up, it is already too late normally to normalize back.

So, too much public glare could be gloomy; your high image can lower intimacy with your partner; lot of fanfare about your relationship can turn into source of frustration.

One thing is very clear – if your choice is to build a relationship, you have to choose to banish your biases at all costs!

Partnership is more a game of compromises and not gaining command over each other.

Therefore, your private as well as professional life is at its best if you are balanced and free from biases!

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Idealism fans out to Fanaticism, Ferociousness & more

It is very common to follow what you believe as “ideal ways and ideals set (by others)” in your pursuit and passion for achieving your goals. When success starts to turn in, a turning point also comes when your passion for such ideal ways and ideals set becomes stronger and stronger. Such strong passion invariably leads to obsession, which is Idealism. In short, it evolves as:

Innocent Ideas –> Ideal ways –> Ideals –> Idealism –> onset of Ills!

Remember, every individual has his/her own definition or understanding of what he/she perceives as ideal, ideals and idealism. But one thing is blatantly common – beneath idealism is obsession!

How Ideal ways leading to Idealism gives birth to Autocratic Bosses

In corporate life, for instance, many are very dynamic and believe in quick actions and results. They perceive it as their virtue, passion and an ideal way to turn over great performance for the company. Such people would be highly demanding by nature and expect team to take prompt actions and deliver. In most cases, such drive over time becomes their obsession, regardless of comfort or crisis in the team. They would then impose their decisions on team, set tough targets and disallow dissent under garb of getting results for company. Unless conscious, which most are not, they would develop strong belief in their methods. For them, it is an ideal way; but it has already got translated into Idealism and gives birth to their autocratic leadership with toxic behavior!

Turn to private life – it is not bad to behold old traditions and values; but if you, as head of your family, become strong advocate or hard headed for same, you would impose these on younger generation in your family, refuse to compromise and in that process, crush their desire to lead a modern life! Such idealism would invite several ills!!

Ills of Idealism

So, idealism hurts in several ways:

  1. Isms trigger Issues, except few like optimism.
  2. It instills inflexibility.
  3. It inculcates hard notions.
  4. It insulates you from realities and rationales.
  5. It instigates you to over-zealously protect your ideas.
  6. It makes your vision and perspective parochial.
  7. It makes you inconsiderate and self-centered.

Ugly side of Idealism

Hard ideas/thoughts/notions go hand-in-hand with idealism. Hard ideas cannot remain stagnant and still in our mind. These are bound to come out in our actions or behavior; otherwise, these cannot remain “hard” anymore! Therefore, we feel strong urge to practice the same and proliferate around.

People, who are already in power and position, would demand that their ideas be implemented; failing which they would even enforce. Let us categorize them as “A” for corporate or institutional leaders/bosses and “B” for political and religious leaders, wielding formal power.

Those, who do not have formal power or position on public or professional platforms, would seek surreptitious methods to propagate. They generally take route through faith, indoctrination, public movement or preaching! Let us assign category “C” for them.

Methods and measures of categories A + B + C bring ugly side of Idealism! As a consequence, it shows up in variety of ways:

  • Ideology in case of A+B+C
  • Ferocity (Ferociousness) for A+B+C
  • Fundamentalism for C & partly B
  • Fanaticism for C & partly B
  • Extremism for C

You can see that category C, who swears by Idealism but without accountability, can unleash the most havoc and this is what history has witnessed!

Above 3 categories of people have several characteristics in common:

  1. Overwhelmed by obsession.
  2. Mistakenly perceive their obsession as passion.
  3. Wrongly believe their ideology as legacy.
  4. Foster fear factor.
  5. Live in fantasy, rather than reality and induce others to do so.
  6. Ruthlessly protective of their ideas.
  7. Thoughts are mixed with myths and mythology.
  8. Have vanity and vehemence.
  9. Implant ideology in your mind through indoctrination!
  10. Shut your mind, so that thinking beyond perimeters of what they preach and proliferate is not possible.

Inferences, you would be amazed with!

You need good ideas/thoughts for anything that you pursue.

You need to focus on these to get success and your notions are still soft (can be subject to change).

When success comes, you develop liking and love for those ideas and you start to believe those “ideas” are “ideal” for you.

That is how every passion gets developed, as also hard notions.

You see more wins coming your way.

This is when you start believing those “ideas” as your “ideals”.

Here is when you come on the edge!

If you stop being more possessive and passionate about these ideas/ideals, you would sustain and continue to swim through successes superbly.

If you push and perpetuate your passion and hard notions further, your ideals would translate into idealism. And you would invite ills!

You, then, run the risk of being fierce, ferocious, fanatic…….

 

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Perfection promotes Problems!

There is something seriously wrong about our ideas for Perfection. Not sure how many are conscious or clear what to attempt, when they suggest or swear to be perfect! Also, be cautious to understand rationale behind the above caption – it does not imply “imperfection is to be inculcated”. This applies to companies, institutions, and individuals, as also work, hard and soft skills, products or services.

Implications of Perfection

  1. Efforts for 90% of perfection are doable with diligence and dedication; next 5% are harder; next 3% are harrowing; but balance 1.9% is herculean!
    Is there anything like 100% perfection? One does not know and let us leave balance 0.1% to aliens from outer space!
  2. It is time guzzler and hence, also goofs on good opportunities.
  3. It is not efficient and hence expensive.
  4. It requires lot of practice, patience and polishing, at the cost of productivity. Therefore, population of perfectionists cannot be large.
  5. Many desire and dream perfection; in practice very few can drive it!
    Therefore, it is devoid of popular appeal.
  6. Perfectionists are isolationists.
  7. Perfect bodies, beauties or businesses could prove to be bane, as these would attract lot of attention, rivals, imitators and hence, their real values would wane over time!

Be free from Defects, instead of being Perfect!

To be free from defects or flaws is a completely different paradigm as well as perspective than to be perfect. Drive to be free from defects takes away all problems associated with process of perfection!

Above has shown that to be perfect could be an ordeal; below would show that to be free from defect is ideal!

  • Process of getting perfection does not mandatorily target defects removal; whereas making it free from defects – be it product, system, service, character, competences, lifestyle or else, focuses fully on weeding away defects first!
    Former is analogous to “knowing what you should do, having little concern or knowledge of what you should not do” and hence, as a result, you would also do wrong things and then spend efforts to correct the same, which is wasteful! Latter is equivalent to learning first what you should not do; so what you do would automatically be free from flaws and hence most productive.
  • Definition of defects depends upon “functional requirements” in case of objects/ activities and “what creates good impact on others and self”, in case of personal behavior/characteristics.
  • When you remove all defects or keep it free from defects, you would find that resultant output is highly functional, acceptable, suitable and economical.
  • When an object or subject becomes defect free, it becomes simple and beautiful! Further attempts to bring what we term as perfection, actually make it complicated and starts spoiling its elegance and élan! From that stage onwards, output starts to plateau and time/costs start to soar.
  • Efforts should, then, be directed at innovations or variations to create different versions or flavors. That would be most efficient and economically sustainable!

Let us look at 2 simple examples to explain relevance of above:

By removing all impurities from drinking water, we make it potable. Further attempts to perfectly clean it, would remove minerals and that would not be good for health!

2nd example – Head of an organization is preparing communication on company performance for employees. Defect free communication would be one, which would be simple to understand, short to digest and sweet to appreciate.

Instead, if he vies to make it perfect by putting all performance data, graphs, explanations for up and down sides and so on, such communication would no doubt have depth and details; but consume lot of time and man hours to prepare and would turn out to be complex. In most cases, it cannot be communicated transparently and effectively, and would leave audience guessing and gasping to grasp!

For the Future Perfect…

The mandate is clear:

  1. Redefine “Perfection”.
  2. Efforts for perfection should cease, once all defects or flaws are removed.
  3. Any extra effort is like a creamy layer at the expense of volume (of efforts), without creating value.
  4. Instead, such extra efforts should be directed for innovations, new creations and versions.
  5. Objects and subjects, body and being become the best and beautiful, when these are free from flaws.
    These are also, then, exquisite, elegant, efficient, affordable and sustainable!
  6. Attempts to make things 100% perfect could push you to perils!
  7. Nature’s laws demand minor (not major) degree of imperfections and imbalances. This is what has made whole universe in a dynamic state. It also brings fizz and fervor in our life!
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