Tag Archives: Cozy

Why best of partners part their ways in worst manners!

abcGeorge Clooney, famed Hollywood actor was adjudged as one of the most eligible bachelors in the world, until he decided to tie the knot with Amal Alamuddin, an international and human rights lawyer, in September 2014. Press has written lot of love stories and quotes for the couple; but, it has now reported that their marriage is on the rocks. A more than decade old fairy tale like relationship of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie has completely fractured few months back. All the fanfare behind courtship and marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West seems to be in doldrums.

Stories of Bollywood or Indian celebrities are no different – break-up of industrialist Nes Wadia and actress Preity Zinta, tennis player Leander Paes and actress Mahima Chaudhary, Sarika and Kamal Hasaan – both from film industry, actor Hrithik Roshan and interior designer Sussanne and so on.

Forget the celebrities, look at common people as partners, whom you believe as best in your neighborhood and you may discover that their partnership is not easy.

It seems to a very common feature that what ensue on the best nod ends on a worst note. What was prominent to start with, equally or more painful is to end with a relationship. It appears as if it is an order arranged by nature.

Our notion or definition for what makes it best is much fractured

Two very attractive faces, two equally and highly qualified spouses, two strong or influential personalities or pair from two famous families are perceived as best partners. But, history shows that such pairs cease to live at ease sooner and eventually break up sordidly.

Do you believe that two equally intelligent spouses, two tall partners or two accomplished persons in same profession co-exist congenially? They don’t; they face more disagreements than agreements since each one has his/her own ideas, which he/she would like to prevail with. Arguments fly high and disenchantment grows. It is like two identical polarities repelling each other.

Two best together cannot make best-square or ideal pair. Only when two persons complement each other by their characters and attributes, they make ideal combination. It means that if one is strong headed, other should be mild; if first one is extrovert, other one be introvert. If one is bright; other should be dull. And you would soon realize that it is not very appealing!

So, what is ideal?

The best pair or combination is what is individually balanced!

This is true of any form of relationship. If you want your honeymoon with a customer to last long, you on your part have to be balanced in your dealing – neither too cozy nor too curt.

Popularity or prominence is prone to prejudices

Everyone wants to be popular and be in public eyes. You soon start to enjoy your image and prestige. And, greed goes in your head and you get addicted to have more and more of prominence. This is the starting point of driving a divide between the pair. In initial period, one or both would not even realize or acknowledge that anything wrong is developing; this is stage of denial. By the time one or both wake up, it is already too late normally to normalize back.

So, too much public glare could be gloomy; your high image can lower intimacy with your partner; lot of fanfare about your relationship can turn into source of frustration.

One thing is very clear – if your choice is to build a relationship, you have to choose to banish your biases at all costs!

Partnership is more a game of compromises and not gaining command over each other.

Therefore, your private as well as professional life is at its best if you are balanced and free from biases!

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Why we have Natural Tendency to lean more on Negatives than Positives!

A charming and young lady was strolling in the garden and suddenly found a man chasing her. She got scared and thought that this person does not have good intentions. Before she could raise alarm, the man reached out to her and said you dropped your wallet few minutes back and requested her to check that all contents in the wallet were intact. The lady felt very ashamed of the thoughts, she earlier got in her mind!

That is how most of have a natural tendency – pick or fall prey to negatives more frequently than positives. If we often don’t get what we want, this tendency has a lot to do with it! We are generally aware that anything, which is negative, is not worth; yet we don’t disown or discard same, instead we keep clinging to those – negative thoughts, actions, habits and characteristics. This is rampant across all races and regions around the world!

Mandate of Nature is clear cut – if you want successes to chase you, you have no choice but to be positive in all aspects you deal!!

Look at our natural tendency

If we consciously observe, we would find that in course of everyday life, ratio of our negatives to positive thoughts is disproportionately high! Here below are some very common examples, which we keep repeating without noticing and questioning us, what we gain by doing that or how much we are losing!

  1. You have to address an audience. Thoughts like I may not perform well, I am likely to forget important points in my address, audience may not get impressed etc. would keep nagging you until you are on the stage.
  2. If you are facing series of problems, you start to believe life is no good nor is your luck!
  3. Unexpected call from a difficult boss brings immediate hackle – he is going to bang me.
  4. Boss getting a call from employees, after giving salary raises would set her/him thinking these guys are never satisfied with whatever I do and they would chew my brain to do more.
  5. Spouse suddenly showering love and praises would ring alarms in your ears – now what kind of new demand or favor in offing?
  6. Husband dropping a utensil in kitchen evokes reaction from wife at a distance – you must have broken that! Can’t you learn to be careful?
  7. Not winning business makes you rue – the customers and competitors are so difficult to deal.
  8. An astrologer forecasts that your good time for business would start from year xxx and you would have health issues from following year. You would start to worry about following year; but not feel good for the preceding one!
  9. Some naysayers predict our planet would be doomed when hit by a comet or meteor in month xx of running year and we would start looking at sky in night next day onwards and wonder what is going to happen, even if space scientists have pooh-poohed such prediction!

People whose life evolves n revolves around negativism!

Population of people with negative fervor and flair is far in excess of who are passionate about positivism!

  • Skeptics
  • Pessimists
  • Paranoid people
  • Emotional and sensitive people
  • People in hurry and haste
  • People with short temper
  • Believers of Instincts, Hunches or Gut Feelings

And many more!

The reason, why they are and would always be in majority, is that it is easy and expedient to be negative than positive, as explained below. Most of these people even know that it does not help; but the paradox is they can’t help it!

Secret behind our attraction towards Negativism

If we analyze above 9 examples or many more, we would discover that these are just a result of our thoughtless reactions! Analogous to Newton’s 3rd law of motion, for every action or situation, our mind has reaction. Note, such reactions are mostly negative!

Why our reactions are mostly negative?

Scientific research and rationale show that reactions of human mind are shaped by the emotions from past memories. Emotions reside in our mind like how cache memory does in a computer and would instantly show up, when we witness a new situation or suggestion.

Negative emotions are a plenty by definition – fear, frustration, frown, worry, whining, despondency, depression, dejection, obsession, greed, lust, prejudice etc. On the other hand, positive emotions are only a few – feeling happy, ecstasy or fantasy.

Negative emotions or thoughts are just reactions, bereft of conscious or considered views. Therefore, these are easy, handy and spontaneous. Positive emotions or thoughts or actions are just the opposite. Human tendency is to always seek comfort zones, cozy ways and this is the very cause why we fall prey to everything, which is negative!

Our leaning and liking for negatives are further accentuated by Law of attraction of identical properties, whereby negative thoughts or actions would attract more of negative ones and repel positive ones. This is how; we are trapped in vicious circle on Negativism!!

“Being Positive” as your passion!

  1. Ask yourself what your wants are?
    Are these not success, happiness and fitness on sustained basis? If yes, your only choice is to be positive and trash being negative.
    Even when you want to get power, popularity and/or prosperity, you can’t get any of these without being positive.
  2. Insinuation that negativity works is a sheer Illusion.
  3. Don’t do what most would do, as it is mostly a mistake!
  4. Route to right and good mostly would not be and need not be easy and cozy.
  5. Try to take “no action on your 1st reaction”; just hold on. Do not believe that holding on would make heaven to fall!
    This may need considerable practice and patience; but it would come.
  6. Value of past emotions is no more than that of a newspaper, which you have read and done with – scrap!
  7. Believe that being positive is not a big science. It is just thoughtfulness and consciousness that your world would be exactly the way you want to see and make. Related to this is the greatest equation of nature – “You get = What you give”, which you can’t negate or circumvent. You deliver justice, you would get one; you deliver malice, you won’t get anything less than that!

So, be a winner in every work and walk of your life by being Positive!!!

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