Tag Archives: Compassion

Why likes of Trump would not only survive but always thrive

Portrait of angry boss shouting at his secretary through megaphone who is indifferent to it

How not to get bulldozed by bully! Image source – flickr.com

Look at any country, company, community or family – difficult person or people always dominate and decent ones lie low. In a school classroom, naughty students are always noticeable and receive teachers’ most attention; but nice ones find themselves neglected.

In just concluded US Presidential race, it is widely believed that both of main contenders were difficult personalities; but then what made Donald to trump Hillary?

Few days back, a respectable Indian newspaper carried an article penned by a well-known writer about 2 drug lords – Pablo Escobar of Colombia in real life and Walter White in reel life. She narrated how impressed she was by their sheer dynamism and determination, sharp minds and wished that such unmatched talent could be channelized for good cause of our society. She is not alone in her thoughts of compassion and sympathy. Most of us are very fascinated by villain-heroes, who are on relentless pursuit and ruthless run for a cause they believe as fair but by flouting every law. What most or masses always mistake in understanding that massive energy and enigma of such heroes exist only because they are villains!

The seed for power and popularity

The seed for power, position and publicity is in man’s Ego. If level of ego in a person is above certain threshold, it creates uncontrolled desire and drive for name and fame, nurtures blind belief – “I am the one, who alone can be right and can do it.” Mind of such person gets shut from realities and respect for others.

If you have watched Donald Trump, he enjoys extra high level of ego, much beyond the threshold, when compared with his rival/s.

By-products of ego are arrogance and reckless run for one-upmanship and showmanship. On a larger platform in a country or company, ego and its by-products are often misunderstood – ego is perceived as esteem or pride; arrogance is projected as great confidence and reckless pursuit is pronounced as passion. It is more prevalent in developed societies, who like to gloss over qualities in preference to quantities. I have been privy to host of such incidences during my tenure with a US multinational company.

Spreading negativity and then making positive promises

It is very easy to declare things are bad; but it is difficult to say things are good since that would need intelligence and patience to substantiate. People easily get alarmed when they are told that things are going to be bad. It evokes their emotions and creates confusion.

Likes of Trump master the art of painting a dismal picture of present even if it is rosy, exploiting people’s emotions and manipulating those with positive promises. Therefore, the slogan “I would make America great again” has gone down pretty well with public, not knowing by which account USA has indeed gone down!

People sympathize with who they perceive as victim or powerless

We often misunderstand mindset of masses.

If you have noticed, throughout election campaign in USA (and that happens even elsewhere), rivals and media were busy exposing (bad) truths about Trump but never brought his myths in focus. He was smart enough to project himself as victim in the hands of media and party in power. He could translate it into public sympathy. On other hand, Hillary could never be seen as victim of allegations by her rivals, as she was once in powerful position and now backed up party in power.

Virtues of one in power can easily be translated into vices by the one who is powerless.

So, as long as we succumb to our ego and negativity especially fears, likes of Trump would always succeed and we will not be able to wield our true strength!

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Whom to listen and follow – your heart or head?

Follow head or heart? Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Your spontaneous response probably would be – I should follow my heart! This is what you have heard, read or been told time and again by your role models, mentors, teachers or gurus, well known authors or leaders!! But, can you exactly pin point – this is the voice or thought from my heart and that one is from my head? Everyone agrees that head speaks to you all the time; but does heart also do so or it speaks selectively?

Let us take examples of goons, gurus and gods. Do goons have heart as well as head? Off course they do! If you read real stories of goons or gangsters, they do have compassion, albeit for certain class of people – their dear ones or those for whose cause they have become trouble makers or cruel. So, when they show compassion, our conventional wisdom would say they are driven by their heart. But, what happens when they demonstrate cruelty or terror? It may be convenient for most of us to think that it’s because of their head! What happens to their heart at that time? Does it go sleeping; it does not prevent them to perpetrate pains to others? There seems to be a contradiction! Can heart or head switch off and on, depending upon one’s comfort or convenience?

Now, take example of gurus or even successful corporate leaders. A good guru or leader is supposed to be highly balanced and treat all of his followers or fellows on equal footing. He or she would reject any advance by his/her follower/s to come closer; otherwise, he/she runs the risk of falling from grace like it happened with Bill Clinton former US President, Tiger Woods famous golfer or David Petraeus former CIA Director in US. So, a successful guru or leader would never be drawn into emotions! Does that mean gurus or leaders don’t have heart? If no, then from where come their kind and congenial behavior? Yet; most believe that gurus and leaders work through only their heads; that is why they are dispassionate and even desert their comforts and families for their pursuits.

Now for god; in all religions, Gods have been projected to operate through their meta-physical powers or enlightened mind like Buddha. There is nothing like separate voices of their heads or hearts!

How do we differentiate what comes from heart and one from head?

What we tend to relate to heart!

Most consider following feelings and functions belong only to heart:

  1. Love
    We connect every form of love to our heart; but not respect!
  2. Kindness and compassion
    We believe an act of kindness can only come from heart. Only heart is capable of being compassionate; but being considerate, inconsiderate or impersonate is handiwork of our head.
  3. Empathy and sympathy
    Same as in point 2 above; supposed to ooze out of our heart!
  4. Passion and devotion
    We don’t believe that passion for a person or profession, devotion for god, nature, nation or duties can come from head; it is heart!
  5. Positive emotions
    All positive emotions as above and others like happiness, fun, fervor or excitement have been perceived by us as regime of heart!

So, coming from heart, everything is considered right! Heart can’t commit any crime or mistake!!

The rest goes to head!

That seems to be a blatant truth!!

  1. Rationale and reasoning
    Only our head has competence to rationalize and understand the realities – this is what all believe!
  2. Judgement and justice
    That is the job reserved for our head.
  3. Anticipation and analysis
    We believe these functions exclusively belong to our head!
  4. Knowledge and niches
    Our head or brain is the repository of our knowledge, specialties, talents, traits, information, intelligence and habits!
  5. Duties and discipline
    All ideas about our duties and discipline are comprehended by our head.
  6. Convictions
    All of our beliefs, faith and principles get developed and executed by our head.
  7. Negative emotions
    Our brain (head) also takes the brunt of every negative feelings and/or actions – reactions, obsession, anger, anxiety, greed, gaffe and more!

Does our heart function independent of our head?
Remember that we are not talking of our biological heart here! So, what do we mean when we say our heart talking and we listening? 

Factually speaking, we experience the functions of head and heart only through our mind. Then, how a line gets drawn between voices of heart and head?

If you carefully look at above points, you would soon discover that:

  • We relate all of our positive emotions to heart; but negative emotions to head!
  • We perceive that all “spontaneous but right” thoughts emanate from heart; however, “systematic but right” thoughts and “spontaneous or systematic but wrong” thoughts come from head! 
  • Our heart has only virtues; but head can have both virtues and vices!
  • Our heart operates randomly; but head works on rationale, reasoning or realities!
  • Our heart receives only compliments and credits; but head receives both credit and discredit!

Secret of how heart differs from head!

Whatever you want to call it – scientific, material or spiritual fact is both heart (emotional not biological) and head resides in one and same mind!

There is only one and singular situation, when your thoughts are very appealing to you; those are positive and right and that situation comes “When you are thinking purely in present time forgetting the past”. 

When you think in present but keeping reference to past memory however old or fresh (like a second before), then you can go either right or wrong! This is what all of us do all the time and that is actually our head speaking. But thinking is just present, when our mind merge with current moment, is what we have accidentally come to understand – “That’s my heart speaking”! 

So, it is correct to follow your heart. But, you now have a new perspective – what exactly it means when your heart speaks. It can speak as often as you try! Remember, it is very subtle but gives you superlative power for correct decision making and revolutionizing your life/career!

 

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Me, my heart and mind – how different these are!

Amazing power of your mind! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

This topic touches everyone’s heart and/or mind. Very frequently, we say “Oh, my mind created this mess! What can I do?”; “My mind says don’t love this person; but, my heart says, I should!”; “I want to let it go; however, my mind does not allow me to do so”. In these statements, we separate I or me from our heart and mind. We also treat heart (not biological or physical heart but one as a source of spirit or feelings) being separate from mind.

Majority of people relate I or me to our physical being like what we see ourselves in a mirror; when it comes to spiritual being, we think of our mind. We mostly consider our mind as a source of thoughts or ideas and inspiration; on other hands, we perceive heart as metaphysical entity which gives us emotions, compassion or what many think as “inner voice”!

What exists physiologically or scientifically is “our body including brain”; but we can only experience presence of mind and heart, although we are unable to see them physically.

Are I or Me, Mind and Heart separate entities?

A lot has been said or written by sages, saints, spiritual or religious leaders, scientists and scholars on this aspect. But, as of date, there is remarkable inconsistency in the understanding of mind and heart as opposed to “I”!

Several thinkers and authors don’t see I or me as a mere physical being but have landed a much larger meaning by terming it as “Self”! This “Self” is supposed to control all of your thoughts, actions, good and bad karmas and has linkage to God and universe. Though they don’t say explicitly but seem to encompass mind, heart and soul into “Self”!

There is also ironical aspect of why we tend to treat these as separate entities. If we go wrong somewhere or commit a gaffe, it is very handy to blame it on our mind or heart; it is very egotistical though!

Then, we routinely experience several phases or states, which seem to suggest that there are many more entities connected with us, apart from “I”, mind and heart, of which main ones are:

  1. Inner voice, gut feel, intuition, instinct or 6th sense
  2. Consciousness, intellect or wisdom
    Most people relate these to mind; but, some relate the same to soul.
  3. Conscious and subconscious minds
    Some theories have postulated that subconscious mind does not reside in your body. Universe has only one subconscious mind which is connected with all conscious minds!
  4. Bliss and enlightenment
  5. Soul, maya and nirvana

Not knowing or unable to discover what exactly above states or phases are, scholars, thinkers and religious leaders in the past have concluded that there must exist more entities like soul, self, subconscious mind and prana in Indian context (i.e. life or consciousness). Masses have found it expeditious to accept idea of different entities. It is a fact that when an unknown or intangible is given identity by a name, over a period of time we start to perceive it as real, though in reality it is still an illusion. Worse still is when science is clueless and it becomes part of faiths! Lack of right understanding of what is fundamental to our life has been instrumental for our constant struggle with cycles of good and bad!

Can you experience or express any of the above without your mind? The answer is “No”! Are you able to identify I or me without mind? That is not possible. What we relate to heart, can that be experienced without mind?

Then, how these can be separate entities?

Mind is the only candidate for eventual reality!

Here are concrete evidences:

  • For ages, there has been no direct evidence of any other entity; whatever has been described above are indirect or inferred!
  • Mind loses its meaning, if you want to see it as a physical entity!
  • How can you ever observe very entity, by help of which you make that observation?
    It would never be possible to find mind directly in observable form! 
  • Memory of our mind works like that of a computer. Please see a previous post on Notions and Perceptions.
    Every idea (or thought) and image of an observed object are broken by mind into 2 main files – Knowledge (pure information or information analyzed by mind) and Emotions i.e reactions. Starting point of both files is “I” or me as knowledge i.e. self-awareness and ego as emotion! It is because of this, “I” or me are always associated with mind.
    Emotions are further broken down into sub files (a) positive emotions or experiences and (b) negative ones. Pleasure, compassion, empathy, ecstasy and like get stored as sub sets of file (a). Anger, anxiety, distress, disappointment and like are stored as sub sets of file (b).
    All of these files and their sub sets get interlinked via main memory of mind like RAM of computers.
  • Now very crucial information – when your mind goes into “No conflict of thoughts” mode i.e. when you have single thoughts in the present time and you evoke a decision say I love it, your mind connects to knowledge sub file of your like and emotion sub file of pleasure. Next moment, when this combination becomes your memory, you realize “Oh, it was from my heart!”
    I have to be brief here. But, I can explain to you on receiving your query, how above process gives you feeling of inner voice, bliss, enlightenment, subconscious mind or soul! 

The most important message is – whatever you experience is all interlinked and resides in your mind. That you must nurture your mind positively to tap its amazing potential!

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Why on becoming wealthy, you tend to work either for Greed or God!

Is greed good? Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Let us first understand meaning of wealthy here. It means anything which is in excess of your needs – be it money, means, wisdom, talent or skills.

There are very few, who inherit wealth in all forms. If someone inherits lot of money, he/she could be short of wisdom or skills, or vice versa. Dearth of wisdom would make him/her to squander the inherited money. Therefore, most of us race in our life to reach and acquire what we don’t have in adequate quantity. But, once we get that, do we stop racing? No, we don’t! We tend to raise the bar of our needs and consider it as new normal! We feel justified in doing so, forgetting that it is nothing but greed!!

So, majority of wealthy people is in race of greed and there are a small percentage of people, who are indeed engaged in godly acts like philanthropy, empathy, uplifting under privileged, helping others to become better and grow. In this small population of such people, there are 2 categories – (a) Those who consider it as their obligation to society and have no expectation in return (b) Those who do it for their gains like enhancing their business interests, saving of taxes through charity, becoming more visible and/or gaining popularity and publicity. Category (b) is actually nothing but greed, though shrouded under godly acts. It is only people in category (a) who are truly honest, god like and asset for the society.

World history shows long list of famous names as philanthropists, some of whom are Mother Teresa, Bill Gates – chairman of Microsoft, Michael Jackson and Jon Bon Jovi – both famous American rock stars, Warren Buffett – legendry US investor, George Clooney – Hollywood film star, Larry Ellison of Oracle Inc., Lady Gaga and Shahrukh Khan of Bollywood Films. It is up to you to judge who falls in category (a) and who in (b).

Greed comes in since our goals don’t go “beyond I”!

I have observed lot of people leading goalless life! They are often frustrated without knowing the cause!! It is because they lack direction and purpose in what they do in absence of goals. There are some, who just follow others without defining what is their passion and what they want to accomplish. Another set of people fixes goals, but not firmly and keep changing those without any rational reasons. Then there are others, who contemplate and consciously set the goals, what they want to pursue with passion.

In good companies, there is lot of emphasis, training and coaching for goal setting. But, there is one major flaw. It is all about setting goal around you but not beyond you! This is where greed kicks in.

Goal around you sets a limited purpose. Once you get it, then what? You become wealthy and you start raising bar of your needs. This is when maladies start to malign you. It enhances your ego and creates constant conflicts of interests.

If your goals go beyond you like grow my department or company by x%, build y no. of sub-ordinate as my back up or better than me etc., it brings enthralling and exclusive experience. With such goals, you don’t have worry about own your growth and rewards; these are guaranteed automatically! Look at the fine difference between “goal around you” and “goal beyond you”:

“I want to happy and healthy, so that I don’t have to depend upon anyone!”

Versus

“I want to be happy and healthy, to give happiness and help to ones, who are dependent on me!”

Going “beyond I” brings amazing advantages. Normally, it is difficult to visualize its virtues, unless you actually do it sincerely. Your vision touches new horizon; you discover a unique sense of purpose in your life and your confidence reaches a new climax!

Drawing a distinction between Greed and God-like!

Threshold in everyone’s life comes, when his/her essential needs are fulfilled. Beyond that, there are only two choices – greed or godly acts.

The distinction between the two choices is simple – greed is “all about I” and god-like is “all about others”!

Many tend to swing between the two, believing that latter would compensate for the former. That is not true. Fact is swinging or switching between the two in nothing but greed and often it brings more conflicts than comforts!

By greed, you go down. By grace of god-like acts, you only gain; gain what you have never dreamt!

By greed, you would collect more of what you already have. It would decay and degenerate. But, by engaging in god-like acts like love, compassion, sharing your wealth, wisdom, experience or skills with others, you would constantly renew, revitalize and rediscover what you have and add immense values!

Your connection to others is stark local as well as remote reality in scientific sense. Ignoring it is a worst ignorance of nature.

So, it is a 2 step decree to divine:

  1. Go “beyond I”!
  2. Give excess of what you have, to be God-like!!
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Body language says it all! You want to let it speak Cosmetically or Charismatically?

Human body language is lavishly rich; but least understood. It is the only language, which cuts across all cultures, castes, creeds and countries and is most universal; yet least developed! Everyone uses it through his/her expressions and gets an impression or comprehension for same spontaneously; but usually ignorant of its correct meaning. It is the most omniscient; yet very obscure to most at the same time!

Simplest definition of body language is “Reflection of your inner self in the form of expressions on outer self”. Whenever you look at anyone, you get an impression or idea. This impression or idea indicates how you have understood that person through his/her body language at that point of time.

Never undermine significance of learning to read and speak body language – reading applies to read others and speaking applies to how you can show your own self. It is the most significant mean to respond, judge and manage people and self professionally and privately, from bed rooms to board rooms!

Basics of Body Language

Here under are some examples; but the caveats or conditions, under which these may not apply are:

  • Physiological or pathological problems, which could influence our normal body functions or anatomy or appearance.
  • Physical or mental injuries leading to similar effects as above.
  • Cosmetic or surgical changes on the body, done by design.

We also need to understand that our body language or expression is not a result of one single parameter, thought or state of our mind; but it is a combination of many at the same time. Therefore, what we routinely observe is the mixed effect and hence, we can easily get confused. However, by practice, we could get clearer understanding.

  1. Head
    Hot head would have falling hair line and thinning hair density.
    Good density and growth of hair mean a cool head.
    If a person has multiple thoughts at a time, especially conflicting ones and most of the time, hair would tend to be curly. It is because of this reason that normally, very naughty kids have curly hair!
  2. Eyes
    Empathy and exquisiteness of a person reflect in eyes!
    Appearance of eyes, when we have feeling of compassion and kindness, would reflect acceptance of situation and has a kind of pull or attraction in the direction of outward to inward of eyes! Contours of eyes would tend to elongate horizontally!
    When the feelings are cruel or sinister, eyes tend to pop out, give repulsive feelings and contours of eyes stretches all over.
    If eyes blink too frequently, it is a sign of lack of concentration, guilt or fear.
    A normal look, with very little blinking is a sign of confidence.
    But, if someone is looking continuously at you without much movement of pupil of eyes, his/her intentions or thoughts are different than what you tend to believe. Be careful under such situation.
    Our universe has evolved on account of slight asymmetry! Therefore, a slight asymmetry increases beauty of bodies! It is because of this, that a slight asymmetry in eyesight (very little squint) enhances the beauty of eyes manifold!!
  3. Eyebrows
    Shape and thickness of eyebrows (natural; not threaded or made-up ones!) represents degree of our temperament!
    Thick and bushy eyebrows indicate loose and hot temperament.
    Sleek and shaped (natural) eyebrows reflect congenial nature and attitude. Note: Even if you don’t have great shape, it tends to appear better in shape, when you really have very adaptive thoughts and feelings!
  4. Nose
    Our Ego sits and shows on our nose!
    Bigger the nose, bigger is our Ego.
    Bigger and sharper the nose, Ego graduates to Ferocity or Ferociousness.
    But, good news for those having big nose – if they really drop their ego, then in overall changed look of their face, prominence of nose would stand diluted!
    Nostrils
    When our intentions or ideas are ferocious, arrogant, with over-emphasis or rebellion, our nostrils would flare up!
  5. Lips
    Main source of our smile is our lips.
    Real smile does not open the lips (unless we are speaking and smiling at the same time). In other words, any smile with lips open is not real. Look at Mona Lisa’s picture or painting!
    Further, degree of our happiness and sensuality shows through shape and size of lips. When we are truly happy, lip line would stretch. On the other hands, when we are sensual, it would contract!
    Did you notice – a dimple in one cheek enhances the effect and beauty of lips, so also smile!
  6. Neck
    Neck or neck line denotes degree of your delicacy.
    Thin and long neck (not too much; just more than average in length) is the sign of delicacy and sophistication.
    Too broad a neck could be a sign of brutality.
    Too short a neck could signal complicated or parochial personality.
    Please remember the up side in all of above examples that when we become different and better, then overall body language makes overall look of body different and better and the effect of any shortfall in individual body parts gets diluted!
  7. Face or jaw line
    Face forms the overall impression!
    But there are few unique effects –
    Too symmetrical a face is a sign of monotony or monotonous (boring) nature.
    Too broad a face signals brash, brutal, toxic or autocratic nature.
    Too long a face points to pessimistic and paranoid nature.
    Too short a face shows limited perspective and narrow vision.
    A normally broad and little longer face looks most attractive. That’s how you would look, if you drop negative qualities, even if actual dimensions of your jaw line may not change!
  8. Shoulders
    Size of our shoulders shows degree of our sobriety and confidence.
    Too broad and straight shoulders signal bold or brutal attitude.
    Too short or drooping shoulders represent waning confidence.
  9. Overall Body
    Our overall body reflects our overall persona!
    If we are stressed or struggling to be at peace, our body would become stiff and sore.
    A happy and calm mind makes our body supple and flexible.
    A little fat on our body acts as cushion between skin and inner nerves and it saves us from superficial pains. That also makes our nature jovial.
    In other words, truly jovial nature would tend to build fat on your body.

There are lot more examples!

Other source/s to learn body language

A big source of learning body language is also work of good painters, photographers, cartoonists, animation experts, film or playwright actors and directors!

Correct knowledge of body language is a big key in success mantras

Everyone makes use of body language; but the use is unstructured, unorganized, unrefined and undefined.

You have choice to do it cosmetically, create temporary and artificial effects and fade out. This is what most do as of now.

Alternative and right choice is to work for characteristic changes in self and bring our charismatic changes in your persona. You can’t imagine how that would change the whole paradigm! Often, we see some and found them impressive. When we look at individual parts of their body, we do not find anything uniquely great; but on the whole we find them distinct and decent! And that is the effect of Charisma, which reflects as body language because of good character beneath!!

Correct and good understanding of body language can completely refine and rejuvenate us. We can understand, judge and manage people and situations at best whether we are dealing with a senior, sub-ordinate or spouse, boss or bête noire, interviewing a person or being interviewed, addressing an audience or being a part of audience.

The most important of all –

  • We learn to impact and inspire others!
  • Leveraging body language knowledge is a key element of Success Mantra!!
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