Wish to make 2016 awe-inspiring? Make reverse resolutions!

Momentous moments to usher in a new era! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

When “what we are going through” approaches the end, we feel relieved and look forward to the turning point! Suddenly, we feel nostalgic, euphoric with burning desires and renewed hopes!! We like to bundle up the past and begin a new journey in the New Year. Casually or seriously, we resolve to do something that we could not do earlier.

It has become a ritual to make new or renewed resolution/s on New Year. With that comes a challenge – what we are able or like to do, we would have started doing it earlier; hence, our resolution/s invariably come for what we were unable to do, hoping that we would be able to do it this time, even though we don’t bring any change to make it happen!

Therefore, history repeats – we fail to make our resolutions real again, since nothing usually changes except for our excitement over digits of year increasing by 1! 

So, why not look at 2016 through a different lens?

What you have not been able to do in past, you would not be able to do it in present, unless you change your approach and increase will-power. But then, it is not easy for everyone. However, what you have been doing, it is conceivable that you can resolve not to do it! This is what I call “Reverse resolution/s”.

Think over – can you move forward, unless you control or crush what takes you backward? Can you hope to become dynamic, without dropping what makes you dull or docile? So, secret of life is in scrapping the showstoppers for show to start and succeed!

How about considering reverse resolution/s for one or more of the following:

  1. I shall not live in the past!
    This resolution can be the most significant and rewarding.
    Our past comprises of knowledge and emotions. When we say living in the past, it essentially means living by past emotions, which is a single source of all of our banes, limitations or weaknesses! Contrary to popular beliefs, past emotions always bring pains, although we perceive these give pleasure!
    Get rid of your past emotions; it would rekindle and revolutionize your life!
  2. I shall not give up what I choose to do!
    Choose consciously what you want to do; but once you decide, giving up is a worst idea, unless it turns out to be a wrong choice. Your determination to not to give up opens numerous doors of new opportunities.
  3. I shall not expect others to be what I can’t be!
    When above is not done, conflict unleashes for supervisors and subordinates, politicians and public, friends in relationship or spouses in marriage!!
  4. I shall not live in doubts!
    Living in doubts is like living in dark cell; leading a double standard life!! When you entertain doubts, you can never be genuine and truthful. You can never qualify to be a leader!
  5. I shall never neglect my health and happiness!
    Maintaining good health and happiness is primary duty of all; but most consider it secondary, which is a shame!!
  6. I shall not live in my comfort zones!
    Humans have natural tendency to build and live in comfort zones, which actually make them laggards and impede progress.
  7. I shall not move with crowd!
    If you want to make a difference and come in lime light, you must do things differently than what the crowd does.
  8. I shall not put down anyone nor please everyone!
    We have strange liking for 2 extremes e.g. either we want to put down or please others! We can create a much better work place or a world to live, if we give space and respect to everyone. None other than we are the chief beneficiary from same!!
  9. I shall not allow my ego and biases to overwhelm me!
    Most people feel high on their ego and biases; whereas these actually create lows for their character and charisma!!
  10. I shall not pass on the buck for my troubles to others but own up!
    If you take responsibility for what you are and what you face, you would become supremely confident and courageous to attain new heights!

So, how about adopting some of above to make 2016 a game changer for you?

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9 unique but simple steps to build/boost your confidence!

Confidence and charisma go hand in hand! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Confidence is one quality, which you need universally at all times and spaces. You need it in board room or bed room; whether you are an interviewer or being interviewed; you are addressing an audience or asking a question; whether you are a supervisor or subordinate; you want to build a relationship or break it; whether you are joking or juggling around!

Confidence brings you dynamism as well as optimism. It improves your body language, as also spoken language!

What exactly is confidence!

Surf the internet and you would find host of articles/information on what is confidence; but it does not hit the right chord and leaves you confused.

Correct definition of confidence is “Alignment of mind and body, with no thoughts that drag you in the past”!

So, when you feel confident, you would observe that your mind and body work in full synchronism. You feel good, when you are confident. Therefore, your body releases happy hormones – endorphins, dopamine and serotonin.

9 steps to secure and soar up your confidence

There are lot of material and advisories available on subject; none other than following steps can drive you towards the very definition of confidence:

  1. Do only what you believe
    Do not venture into any talk or task for which you don’t have conviction. You would always be better off by not doing anything when you lack belief.
  2. Believe in self
    If you can feel your thoughts and breaths, it proves that you have all powers as anyone else on this planet. Rope this in your mind as your top belief!
  3. Listen and learn
    Talking is least important but listening cum learning is most. Read and learn the subject, you want to deal keeping no pressure on mind.
  4. Make and take notes
    Very important is to write down key points when you listen, read or mull. Supplement those by your own explanations.
  5. Be optimistic
    What has to go wrong would go wrong; but what has to go right would also go right! So, shade away your anxieties, fear and pessimism.
  6. Be enthusiastic
    Whatever you do, do it by your heart; love it; take pride in it whether big or small. That makes your mind positive!
  7. Keep it simple and straight
    Surprised that simplicity brings confidence? It certainly does!
    When you keep it simple, your mind will not get cluttered with too many thoughts. It would keep only relevant thoughts and that it key to bring clarity and confidence in you.
    If simplicity is gold; keeping it straight adds to its glitter. You would hit the point directly and avoid getting digressed.
  8. Be respectful
    You can be truly respectful only when you raise your self-esteem and reduce your ego. When you give respect – be it your boss, customer or audience – you get it back and that is a sure shot to swell your confidence.
  9. Keep fit
    Staying fit is one of our top duties. Put your faith in balanced diet and exercises. Yoga and focusing on your breathing with eyes closed (extremely simple and effective form of meditation) help you to align your body and mind.

So, how about taking above steps forward to bring/boost confidence? Return gift that you would get is charisma!

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Choice to make your body “tidy and tough” or “tardy and toxic” is with you!

When beauty of thoughts, body and basics merge! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

You come across some people, who are very smart and strong or cultured and caring. Then, you bump into people, who are highly dynamic but dreaded like dynamite! You enamor those, who are very successful and rich. But, you don’t like those, who are controversial and complaining types. There are many, who eat healthy food and have healthy habits; but their health is not on their side. But then there are others, who cannot afford healthy food; however, they enjoy good health.

What makes people so diverse, even if they are brought up in similar environments? Let us look at what studies on subject suggest:

Researchers in San Diego, USA examined life records of about 30,000 Chinese-Americans about 2 years back and compared with randomly selected 400,000 white people. They found that Chinese-American die significantly earlier by as much as 5 years, particularly those attached to traditional Chinese superstitions! Their research revealed that it is not because of genetic factors or life style, but belief of Chinese-Americans that they would die younger, since stars have hexed them and that manifests in shorter life span!

A TIME magazine special issue sometimes back had showed that happiness, hopefulness and contentment reduce risk of cardiovascular diseases, diabetes, hypertension, cold and upper respiratory infections. Now, imagine the looks and physique of people, who are happy and hopeful; they are bound to be ones, you would love!

Look at some of the speakers at TED Talks. Those, who impress you most, would have healthy body, impressive body language and well balanced. Ones, who sound boisterous, would be seen by you as toxic and others with blemish tones would look terrible to you!

Makeup of your body reflects makeup of your mind and vice versa!

Look at some real life observations:

  1. Body of flexible natured people is supple; whereas rigid people have stiff body, which gradually develops muscle and joint pains.
  2. Chest of confident people opens well, they automatically breathe well and sleep well. On other hand, people with anxiety sweat more, lose body water and sleep, and their skin becomes slack over time.
  3. Facial skin of serene people is tight and that of stressed people develops wrinkles or lines early hood.
  4. People with lot of biases develop allergies frequently, which eventually weaken their immune system.
  5. Short tempered or sensitive people catch cold and infections often and impair their body language! 
  6. If you accumulate tension over longer time, you would tag along host of problems from numbness to cancer.
  7. People with toxic nature are known to produce more toxins in their body!

Your thoughts and body work in sync!

If you believe that your thoughts and body work independently, you are grossly mistaken. Scientific and clinical fact is mind through its thoughts impacts brain and brain passes that impact to rest of our body through neurotransmitters. Our thoughts and body have bidirectional communication via neurotransmitters.

So, your thoughts affect your body instantly, though most people do not realize it immediately. Generally, when such effect builds up, then you experience it. Check on following in your daily life:

  • You get tired of working. So, you stop, take a break and try to relax. What is relaxation?
    You create a thought to loosen your muscles or body. That thought triggers thru brain the neurotransmitters to reach parts of body, you want to relax – say shoulders or legs, direct more blood to circulate and loosen muscles/nerves around those parts.
  • You reach your office and learn that elevators are not working. Instantly, you feel tired merely by idea of climbing up staircase.
    What is it? It is a thought, which connects your brain to body, specially legs and spine, and tightens muscles/nerves there and alter blood supply levels to give you a feeling of tiredness.
  • Some dreams in your sleep, which are nothing but uncontrolled thoughts, wake you up fresh and others create fatigue!

So, your thoughts make your body relaxed or restless. A relaxed body communicates back to your brain via neurotransmitters to create thought/s of pleasure. This is turn triggers body to release happy hormones like Dopamine, Serotonin, Oxytocin or Estrogen or mix of same! 

On other hand, if your body is restless, it would trigger thought of pain, which would connect up to your emotions like irritation, anxiety or anger.

Connection of thoughts and body is your cutting edge!

It is costless but priceless. This is how it works:

  1. If you think well, your body does very well!
    Wellness in your body would reward you back with rewarding thoughts or ideas.
  2. If you think ill, your body would initiate illness!
    Not that you would fall ill immediately; it is start of the process. Even God would not interfere in this, regardless how holy you are!!
  3. Your brain memory and body anatomy keep full account of your plus and minus thoughts!
    Your every thought – positive or negative – leaves its imprint on your memory and impacts your body via neurotransmitters. If it is 3 pluses and 2 minuses, what counts for your body is net impact – 1 plus and that is how it would build up in your body. Over time, you would experience its net good or bad effect. 
  4. Wrong thought for a right reason is wrong!
    One of the biggest misnomers is I can do wrong for a right reason. Reacting wrongly for the cause of God, faith, society or nation is retrograde. Your body would suffer. Your body can only recognize plus and minus, not the rationale or justification behind your thinking!
  5. What is at the back of your mind drives you most!
    At back of your mind known as subconscious mind resides past memories i.e. knowledge/information + emotions. Normally, you have no clue how much goes on in your subconscious mind. You are consciously thinking or doing one thing; but you are subconsciously thinking something else.
    Now, challenge is – you have impression of doing it right; but if at back of your mind things are not going right like anxiety, doubts or disappointment, then it correspondingly generates negative effect on your body. It is for this reason that you may exercise and take healthy diet but if thinking is unhealthy, you always get partial results!
    It is best to be driven by your conscious mind, keep subconscious mind empty and secure best effect on your body!

So, shape your thoughts to shape your body accordingly! It is in your hands what you want to become – bold, beautiful, dynamic and/or debonair!!

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Why history repeats by itself at professional and personal levels!

Reminiscent of history! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

A survey shows that about two third people around the world believe that history always repeats by itself; but one third not!

Fact is history does repeat time and again at micro and macro levels, albeit it does not replicate exactly. Its tendencies and trends, types and turn of events are similar in nature.

Famous US President Abraham Lincoln was assassinated in a theater by a man, who fled to a warehouse. Another well-known US President John F. Kennedy was assassinated by a man from a warehouse, who then fled to a theater! Turn the pages of history of several battles fought; it repeatedly shows that one side in the battles was generally outmanned and outgunned, but it always managed to win the battle because it had better leadership! Every era of peace and prosperity has been followed by era of turmoil and troubles and vice versa. Countries, companies and individuals – leaders or preachers alike look invincible during their hay days; but become vulnerable and gullible soon thereafter. Inflation is followed by deflation in country economics and then inflation raises its head again. Cycles of historical highs and lows keep repeating unabated!

You feel hungry at 5 p.m. and treat yourself with junky food. Next morning, you read in newspaper how junk food junks your health and you decide not to eat it again. But again that afternoon, at 5 p.m., you end up eating junk food.

As per famous American author Mark Twain, no occurrence is sole and solitary, but a mere repetition of a thing which has happened before and perhaps more often!

Negative historical events seem to repeat more frequently than positive ones!

Have you notices that? Historical records point to same – wars, accidents, natural calamities, rebellions, deaths, setbacks and sicknesses!

My great grandfather died before my great grandmother. Someone had told my grandfather that history would repeat with him. It got stuck in his mind as worry for remainder of his life and he did die before my grandmother!

If a father became bankrupt in his business, one of his children in business would also become bankrupt in future!!

Reasons why history repeats!

Where do events, which occur, get stored? Are heavenly hands responsible to recall history? Astrology would dispose it is repeat positioning of planets that makes a given event to repeat!

Don’t be surprised to know – every day you repeat more than 90% of things that you did yesterday like getting up in the morning around the same time, brushing teeth and having breakfast in hurry, driving on the road with similar frame of mind – agitated or assuaged to your behavior at work. If this is the case, nearly 90% of things that happen to you would be a repeat of past.

Now, when large number of people do the similar things as above, then lot of events that are likely to happen at larger levels would also be same – simplest examples are cleanliness, traffic congestion, temperament or culture of public etc.!

Logically, repetition of history is not metaphysical or mysterious phenomena. History or past is not stored anywhere in nature or universe but in your own mind. It repeats, simply because consciously or unconsciously you repeat your thoughts and actions, regardless these are positive, negative or neutral, to the extent of 90%!

When you repeatedly think same, you are bound to attract similar events or environments that you have witnessed in past. Conversely, similar events would revive your memory or thoughts. That is why some scenes always tend to instill fear or some faces or faiths invoke prejudices in you!

Why we tend to repeat, more so what is negative or wrong!

  1. Inertia
    Like gravitational force, inertia is prevalent in every object, leave alone humans. So what we start, we tend to continue, unless we decidedly act against it.
  2. Comfort zones
    We have strong tendency to develop our comfort zones and then, feel cozy in same, since we start to like those and feel secured.
  3. Habits, traits and beliefs
    Above 2 points give birth to our habits, traits and beliefs. These 3 attributes have great influence on our repeat thinking and behavior.
  4. Falling prey to negatives
    We are more emotional than rational. Therefore, we are vulnerable to negativity and that makes us very conscious of same. Negativity at individual or mass level is the precise reason, why negative historical events occur more than positive ones, as mentioned above!
  5. Ego and biases
    All of above points promote ego and biases in us, which in turn prompt contradictions and conflicts.
  6. Ideas and images at the back of our mind
    This is a major revelation – you can’t estimate enormity of things at back of your mind! Call it back of your mind, memory storage or subconscious mind; what reside there regulate your moves. You decide to keep only positive memories and discard the rest; but you would realize soon that negative memories still reside and those become active, when you see anything negative. Your drive against what you don’t like keeps same very thing live and lingering.
    Mind knows only to store or ignore; would not differentiate good or bad, positive or negative, when it comes to storing! So, decision to keep only right things does not help; only ignoring does!! Is not amazing?
    What resides at back of your mind is single biggest factor behind your repeat behavior and stimulates history to repeat. 

This brings us to very striking conclusion – what you repeat is not a Change and hence Change is only one that can repel events, you don’t relish! And if you want to reverse the history, work on above 6 points relentlessly!!

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Why we forget what we want to remember; but remember more which we want to forget!

Difficult to remember or fear to forget! Source: http://www.flickr.com/

Does it not happen to you often what you want to remember for sure, you are more likely to forget; but the opposite does not happen for what you really want to forget – it haunts you more?

There are countless real life examples. You suddenly cannot remember name of known persons or places. You forget some words or spellings at a time, you need most! Minds of students become blank, while answering a question in examination, which they had precisely prepared well for.

Your boss has called you for annual review and you put down on a piece of paper all points of your accomplishments. When you come out after meeting with boss, you realize that you had overlooked half of those points! You have to deliver a speech in a conference and work hard to prepare. Harder you prepare, easier would you forget key points to speak.

On other hand, one fine morning before leaving for work, you have argument with your spouse for spending too much money on shopping. You would not be able get over the duel while driving on road, making it unsafe. On reaching office, you decide firmly to forget morning incidence; but you would lose your cool with your sub-ordinates, since morning duel keeps playing at back of your mind.

Why our memory fails at right moment but serves extra well at wrong one!

When we first memorize what we want to remember is in its pure form. See, what generally happens subsequently when we don’t want to forget it:

  1. Our first suggestion to mind to remember and not to forget is registered in our memory as “same information again with emphasis”.
  2. 2nd reminder registers it with a kind of stress.
  3. 3rd reminder accompanies usually with our perception of consequences for not remembering it.
  4. Then, we start to fear for possible consequences.
  5. So, when time comes to recall that information, our mind is loaded or preoccupied, making retrieval more difficult!

This is how purity of original information degrades.

Now, look at what we do to “What we want to forget”:

  1. What is that we want to forget – bad incidences, bad dream, wrong thought, worse scene, random ideas, irrelevant information and so forth!
    By the time we come to a stage of wanting to forget any of above, it takes full circle and make its firm mark in our mind.
  2. Having decided to forget, it is rare that a person would not remember it again. Most people recall often to check whether they have forgotten it! Moment they do this, it dives deeper in their memory!! 
  3. All of above incidences or information are associated with our anger, anxiety, disappointment, denial, obsession, repulsion or irritation, which are essentially past negative emotions.
    Emotions are like cache memory of a computer in our brain. When our mental state is negative, the said emotions also pop-up and refresh that we want to forget.
  4. Normally, things that you want to forget fade over time, when your older biases i.e. emotions get superseded by new ones. But, you have to then struggle with new ones. 

From above, you can observe that spontaneous response of our mind is reverse of what you should be doing and hence, struggle in remembering or forgetting!

Managing to forget is far more challenging than mastering to remember!

Ability to consciously forget, though more complex, makes mind and memory far sharper than capacity to remember!

We have lot of options to remember – memorize by practicing, making hard or soft notes. But, options to forget – nothing! 

You frequently read about – to let go and forgiveness. These are flimsy or even fake, unless you have the ability to forget! Another extremely important thing every leader or preacher advocates is to live in present! People are hardly able to do that, because they are unable to forget past!!

How best to remember and forget, when you want to

To remember on time, here below is what you can do:

  • Make hand written legible notes.
    Note, writing by own hands creates stronger impression in mind. Chances are you may not even have to see your notes again. But, beware and be wary of making notes of too many things!
  • Alternatively, you can make soft notes on your mobile, notepad or computer.
  • Best option is to make mental note only once and link to the image of object, with which it is directly related. May be supplement it by abbreviated hand written note. And then, just don’t worry whether you would remember or forget; believe that heaven will not fall on earth, if you don’t.

To forget what you have to is much trickier and require thoughtfulness. Effective clues:

  • Easiest is to do what you love or engage yourself gainfully.
    However, this would give you temporary respite; not resolve it for good!
  • You would be much better off, if you become broad minded.
  • Real step is – come to terms with what you have to live without and believe that thing is no longer important. Losing importance of what you want to forget is the key to “Forgetting”!
    You would soon realize there is a catch in above – you can lose importance or making the thing insignificant only when you drop your past emotions at least for things you want to forget! 

Now, the most valuable information – what you want to actually forget is all out of your past memories, which have 2 parts – (a) Knowledge or information (b) emotions i.e. biases, obsession, pleasure, pain, fear or frustration. Usually, you latch on to past for fear of losing knowledge or information, which you actually don’t need to! 

So, if you keep dropping your past emotions, you have nothing to lose but only to gain great ability to remember and forget what you need to. That would take you to the top of your life!

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