How you want to be remembered? Make a choice today

You have 3 choices:

  1. You want to be remembered for right reasons
  2. You want to be remembered for wrong reasons
  3. You do not want to be remembered

Depending upon the choice that you make, you sow seeds to build your identity. Identity of each of one of us is critical, whether we are conscious about it or not, whether we like it or not!

If people remember you for the right reasons, they come close to you, they like you, you learn from them and Life is Good. If you have got involved with wrong attitude or acts, people indeed do not want to remember you. Yet, their minds remind them of your image, since they feel repulsive, critical of you.

“Do not want to be remembered” is the most difficult choice to make! Are you surprised? You would not think of this choice, unless you are frustrated and fed up. You are furious with your friend and tell him “I do not want to remember your face and friendship”. Every time you actually attempt to do this, your friend’s face is bound to come in your mind and then only, you can try to forget it! So, this is a difficult one.

Here is what you can do depending upon choice, you make.

1.     You want to be remembered for Right reasons

  • Smile and Style – when you are present among people, use these to make your presence felt. Your style would surface automatically, when you love yourself, respect and like others.
  • Spontaneity and Support – be quick to respond with presence of your mind; do not keep mind somewhere else and talk here. First show your appreciation to others’ views or work and then share your suggestions. People often do vice versa!
  • Solutions and Sympathy – be a solution provider rather than problem narrator or creator. Sympathize with others for their issues or limitations.
  • Seek – unconventional and out-of-box methods within limits of decency.
    I did it, when I started my career in a cement plant at the age of about 20 years. Somehow, I decided to wear only full white dress at work. Cement plants during those days used to be very dusty and with coal powder flying around. At the end of each day, my dress would be dirty and next day I would turn up with spotless white dress again. People could make out from difference in conditions of my dress in morning to evening, how hard I had worked! Soon, I was known in the plant as “Man in White”! In retrospect, I think it was my immaturity; people still remember though!
  • Show – your talent. Each one of you has something exclusive. Identify it, keep enhancing it daily and demonstrate to people, with a view to create values for them.

2.     You want to be remembered for wrong reasons

  • Complain – meet people in elevator as you arrive at work place and complain about lousy weather, bad traffic and security rules. Give dumb or dirty look to people, who smile.
  • Comments – show negative flavor to your stake holders like customers, colleagues, company or community. Show off your knowledge, when not solicited.
  • Criticize – be critical of what is done for you or given to you. Point fingers at what is not there and ignore what is there. Show your supremacy in the name of your high standards and dissatisfaction with others’ efforts.
  • Controversies – get thrill or visibility by raising or involving in controversies and proving your points.
  • Contradictions – show split personality, double standard – one for sub-ordinates and another for supervisor, exhibit belief in contrarian and toxic leadership.

3.     You do not want to be remembered

  • Isolate – live and work in isolation (how?) and be self-centered.
  • Insulate – not approachable, do not interact and no concern for people in neighborhood.
  • Ignore – do not pay attention to rules and rituals, do not think or learn about good or bad and ignore expectations of others from you.

Now, it is time to know the bitter truth of your life. May be you would now discover that you have already made a choice consciously or not consciously! However, majority of you keep juggling around all three choices and do not stick to one, in real life. Effect of choice 1 is negated by 2nd and 3rd is neutral. This is where your miseries come from!!

Stick to the choice that you make and implement. 


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Myths, which you have been living with!

As 2nd step to understand what is behind or inside your life, read and evaluate this.

If your honest answer to all of following points is “Yes, I have been believing and living with these”, you are a “Normal Being”. If some of these are indeed “Myths” for you and you do not actually live with those, you are “Above Normal”. And, if you live with none of these, you are “Meta-Normal”.

  1. You bring your fortune or misfortune with your birth and its timing.
  2. Your talents and/or traits are gifts from your birth or from God and therefore, cannot be changed.
  3. There are people with negative vibes, whose presence affect you and your environments negatively.
  4. What you cannot enjoy now, you can enjoy later or tomorrow.
  5. You are clever enough to hide your inner self – love or hate, disappointment or enchantment, pleasure or pain, frustration or satisfaction, inclination or repulsion – to reflect on your body language.
  6. Quality in everything that you do costs you extra time, efforts, energy or money.
  7. Your instincts, gut feelings or inner voices are governed by meta physics; something that you are unable to explain.
  8. Selection range for your role model/s comes from –
    1. People with power play – Your boss, CEO, head of your country….
    2. People with popularity – Sports person, actor, entertainer, leader of popular movement
    3. People with courage – Military  commander or one, who can damage or dismantle camp of your adversary
  9. Best way to gain knowledge is to do it myself, without seeking involvement, advice or guidance from others.
  10. For best career growth (or at least to keep it safe), play safe, toe boss’ line and not challenge him/her, even if necessary.
  11. Best method to gain popularity and attention is to flaunt, taunt, comment and criticize.
  12. Best strategy to get visibility is to take a dip into crisis, cry for help and secure sympathy.
  13. You can do more than one thing or multitasking at the same moment – work on your laptop or in kitchen, listen to music and talk on cell phone.
  14. Free lunches and freebies come really free, do not have a price tag and hence, cost you nothing.
  15. Your failures or short comings are easily attributable to –
    “Inputs”, “Reasons beyond control”, “Coincidences”….. if nothing else, you would find luck, forefathers, genes or God always handy!

And, there are many more! If anyone of you believe that a particular point is not a myth, please identify same in comments space below. I plan to come back to explain why all of above are myths in real.

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Does this happen with you and your dear ones?

You may find this different; but, this is 1st of several steps that I propose to take you through to create understanding about science /facts behind your life. Read through and make your judgment close to what actually happens with you and people close to you.

  1. If you receive a call from a relative early in morning – 1st thought that comes to your mind, something has gone wrong at his/her end!
  2. Call from customer or boss breaks your sleep – 1st thing you remember is your most (negatively) used word and then, what is it?
  3. Got a tip from morning newspaper how to be more supportive? Your immediate reaction is “this is what my spouse should do” and next in line is your boss and then, adversaries.
  4. Getting late? Compromise on prayers (if you do) and breakfast.
  5. Running late? Find more red traffic signals, more barriers in reaching faster.
  6. In a rush? Forget more, err more, only to be in greater rush.
  7. Not in good mood? Mood of boss or spouse is also not good!
  8. Get into an argument with boss or spouse – you suddenly feel the distance, isolation.
  9. If you commit a mistake, 1st thought comes on how to defend it.
  10. If you face some problem with your customer or colleague or health or so and get upset or nervous, you find more problems waiting in queue. These start to wane, when you gather courage and composure or sleep overnight.
  11. If you like something, you want to have more of it – money, power, beauty, popularity or so and you also start to worry more that you would lose it.
  12. Your nearer ones look better to you, when they are not near (physically) or gone at a distance.
  13. When you wait and watch (counting time) for a thing to happen – a friend to arrive, a good news to come etc., often your wait only appears longer and may not even come through. If you ignore or let it take its own time, it often arrives faster.
  14. At least 1/3rd of your life goes in guessing (a) what would others think of you, when you do something and (b) what is happening to others!
  15. You remember the devil (unlikeable), devil is there often; if you remember saint (likeable), saint often is not there.
    At last, you go to sleep, thinking tomorrow would be better!

Please make an honest attempt to judge each point. Copy and paste the following in “Comment space below” and fill your score at 2 places:

  • Count from above that happens with me …………….. (xx)
  • Count from above that happens to one dear to me ….. (yy)

Please state, if you want to know more of such points in your daily life?

When I get your response, I shall take you to next step of “Science behind Your Life”.

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2012 can bring the Best for You

Communicating with you through my 1st blog of 2012, let me start by asking what would you like New Year to bring you?

  • Would like to enjoy your life more than ever before?
  • Would you like your life to be full of pleasure; but, without problem?
  • You would like your boss to be nice to you at least in Twenty Twelve
  • Do you wish your spouse to be kind to you?
  • Should sun be always shining on you and you would always like to feel relaxed?

How many of above wishes you want 2012 to fulfill for you? May be all of above or most of these.

Let us assume, you want to take it all. Why miss any, when there is an opportunity?

Here is what you need to do:

  1. You obviously know, how you have enjoyed your life before. Your present desire shows that it was not good enough. So, why remember what was not up to the mark? Just forget it – the past.
    This would be a sure shot to enjoy more Now!
  2. It is clear you had problems before. You do not want them anymore; rather hate them, as those have impacted your pleasure.
    Are those still around?
    1. No; then why worry? In any case, you do not like them. Start to worry or think of those, whom you like or love. Why to be a nerd by bothering about what you dislike?
    2. If yes, then tell me of your problems. As a friend, I would be happy to help.
  3. Are you a boss and nice to your team?
    No; then you are stupid. Hang on, I am not saying this. I read it in a management guru’s book.
    If such is the case, why grumble; Behavior of your boss is commensurate with what you are.
    If yes, you have a case. Do simple things – go to the boss and tell him or her what kind of boss you are and ask politely, what you should do, so that he or she becomes nice to you – be more humble or fumble, work smarter or be less smart, be a yes man/woman or say no to indiscretions? I am sure; your boss would be nice to you….thereafter.
  4. If spouse is She, take her on an enjoyable holiday package.
    If spouse is He, give him a break and good food.
    So, you get what you give.
  5. Sun always shines; albeit you may not be seeing it. Surely, there are clouds, which are preventing sun to shine on you.
    Make efforts to remove these clouds and if required, seek some help.
    Once you are shining under the sun or sun is shining on you, your relaxation or comfort is guaranteed.

So, it is not that difficult to get the best out of 2012. Right?

You are, now, set to get what you want (though 15 days late in Twenty Twelve)!

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An interesting campaign for anti-corruption and support for Lokpal in my Housing Society

When Anna Hazare’s movement was at peak few months back, one fine evening, I saw a notice on my Society’s board requesting residents to join “candle march” coming Saturday. When that Saturday evening I heard loudest possible slogans “Mee Anna Hazare”, “Annaji, go forward, we are behind you” and so on, I could not hold back my curiosity and went down to see the march.

It was a group about 30 male and female residents in middle to old age group (out of 500 families, who live in our Society) holding candles and some wearing white cap painted with slogan “Mee Anna”. I saw that highest pitch among participants was that of an ex-government official, who seems to be having assets disproportionate to the position he had held. There were few sober residents, who normally like to follow others. There were few sober residents, who normally like to follow others. Then, there were some, who have known liking to hear their own voice, paying little attention to what they actually speak. Others were those, who like to create obstacles in good work, our Society would propose.

I felt pity on an old lady, who was not able to walk properly and raise her voice. I could not resist asking her why she is troubling herself. Brightness came into her eyes and she explained enthusiastically “I want to teach lesson to our society’s security supervisor, because he is corrupt and takes money from contract labor working in society’s premises. That is what I have heard from other residents; but managing committee is not doing anything about it. When Annaji would be successful, I would drag this fellow to Lokpal”! Next day, one of my friends told me that his driver wants to take leave and go to New Delhi to strengthen hands of Anna and his team to get billions of dollars of black money from foreign accounts back in India. He believes that when such money comes in, he would get some being backward class and would lead richer life.

I felt this candle march with its participants is a true image (at micro level) of anti-corruption movement at large! It left me wondering can Gandhinian ways of protest be applied to solve an issue, which is so deeply ingrained in our system and enact legislation with threats?

It is tempting for some to raise public frenzy and fury through brinkmanship. But then, expectations of people are also raised sky high and if these are not managed properly, such movement or strategy is destined to fizzle out! This is what seems to have dawned recently in Mumbai and enthusiasts of candle march in my society now!

Corruption in all walks of life needs to be tackled with strong will and for that, realism and foresight should descend on our leaders. Corruption is an ailment, which not only requires treatment through well thought out laws and honest practices; but it would also need preventive measures like teaching Ethics in every school, college, institution and enterprise and implanting same in the minds of people like a Faith.

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