Category : Social

When your confidence starts to shake..……

Often you may find your confidence level going down or shaking. This can dent your efficiency and effectiveness, comfort and composure. If you can find the reasons, it is then possible for you to address. You would discover that some of these could be very trivial and some are terrible!

Look at what can tamper your confidence:

1. Conflict of thoughts

  • Is my belief right or wrong?
  • Will it work or will it not?
  • Shall I do or shall I drop?
  • What is it, if I go wrong?
  • Standing at cross roads; unable to decide which direction to go.

Though you believe in decisions; but you become indecisive!

2. Conflict of interests

  • Your stakes are high; but you suspect setback!
  • Your image is high; but you worry for it getting impaired.
  • People have high expectations from you; but you fear failure.
3. Conflict of actions
  • Gap in what you believe and what you do.
  • Using duel yard sticks – one for self and another for others.
  • You initiate action; but lack conviction in pursuing.
  • Attempts to gain at the cost of others.
4. Overly Concerned
  • What would others think of you?
  • Getting nervous with size of audience or position of person/s, with whom you need to communicate.
  • Fear of unknown.
  • Desire to please all, though not possible.
  • Envy those, whom you perceive as better performers, rather than learning from them.
5. Contradictory results
  • Putting-in what you think as your best efforts; but success eludes you.
  • Driving for a change; but you are driven to wall.
  • People take your sincerity and sanctity as granted and they do not hesitate to manipulate.
  • You discover your trusted or dear ones digging under your feet.

6.     Facing Crisis

  • Setback to your image, status or career.
  • Your actions triggering a controversy or raking up an issue.
  • Your beliefs prove to be wrong or exaggerated, arousing your reaction or ego.
  • Fingers being raised on your character or your credibility being doubted.
  • Your health is not helping.

7.     Getting Criticism

  • Dressing-down by your boss or spouse.
  • You are put down by your peers.
  • Not being recognized for what you perceive as good work.
  • When others feel hurt by your doings.

So, what you need to do?

Just 2 things –

A. Be aware of (1) to (4) and abandon or reject these outright!

Heaven would not fall on earth, if you still go wrong. But, if you don’t do that, chances of heaven falling down would only improve. After all, you need not be right every time and “wrong would only make you right”. So, get it going; do not hold.

B. Evaluate (5) to (7); somewhere you would be wrong and elsewhere you may be right. Hold the Right and correct the Wrong!

Here is the key to real confidence:

Sticking to own beliefs and views, regardless these are right or wrong, is over- confidence. It would kill you one day.

Under-confidence is an ailment, which would trouble you every day.

Having own beliefs and views, with room for change and correction whenever necessary, is the only Real Confidence! It would be difficult to get shaken!!

Read More

Secrets behind Chefs’ dishes and Mothers’ recipes

This is the next step to create understanding towards “Science behind Your Life”. Wonder; what it has got to do with such topic? That is the secret, you need to know.

Did you observe why we like bread crumbs in soup? Why many people like crunchy chocolates?

Bread crumbs are crispy, soft but solid and gives a good taste with soup, which is liquid. Chocolates are soft; but additional flavor is created by making its surface or inside layers crunchy or by adding nuts. Even, crunchy sound creates add on in the taste, you enjoy!

What is at work in both of above cases? Taste of each constituent in soup or chocolate does matter; but what makes a real difference is feeling or flavor created by substances of contrasts – solid and liquid in case of soup, crispy and creamy in crunchy chocolates! The most of famous and popular chefs plan and prepare their dishes with one of the most critical criteria of creating a Feeling of Contrast. I am not sure whether chefs themselves are conscious of this fact; but they seem to practice it and this is what makes their dishes different, tasty and awesome.

You can look at several popular dishes or drinks – crème brulee, Irish coffee, cocktails or chef’s Italian or Indian or other dishes. One of the most salient features would be to create a contrast not only in tastes; but also how these are presented or decorated. The combinations could be:

  • Hot and cold
  • Hard and soft
  • Solid and liquid
  • Sweet and sour
  • Crunchy and creamy
  • Coarse and fine
  • Thick and thin
  • Froth and liquid
  • Bitter and mild/sweet
  • Spongy and sticky
  • Colors in contrast – green, yellow, beige, maroon, white, brown or black etc.

Mothers’ recipes are normally around creating varieties and could also have above combinations.

Note, all of such dishes with great taste trigger all or most of your senses – sight, smell (aroma), taste, touch and hearing (like crunchy bites), and these get accentuated because of contrasts!

So, essentially man likes contrast, variation, variety and these are nothing but synonyms of “Change”. Often, we are not conscious of our natural likes. A change is man’s obvious choice. Often, we would resist or react against a change and hence spoil its beauty. Do not repel; but relish “A Change”.  Sign of real taste is when all of your senses are triggered. You are then ecstatic. You are alive, because there are changes going on all time within your body. You would be dead otherwise. Hence, a Change is inherent to Life.

Real leaders drive or bring “Change”. If you cannot do that, embrace the “Change” now; you would then have a chance one day to learn how to drive it! If you reject it, you would most probably be in peril.

Read More

How you want to be remembered? Make a choice today

You have 3 choices:

  1. You want to be remembered for right reasons
  2. You want to be remembered for wrong reasons
  3. You do not want to be remembered

Depending upon the choice that you make, you sow seeds to build your identity. Identity of each of one of us is critical, whether we are conscious about it or not, whether we like it or not!

If people remember you for the right reasons, they come close to you, they like you, you learn from them and Life is Good. If you have got involved with wrong attitude or acts, people indeed do not want to remember you. Yet, their minds remind them of your image, since they feel repulsive, critical of you.

“Do not want to be remembered” is the most difficult choice to make! Are you surprised? You would not think of this choice, unless you are frustrated and fed up. You are furious with your friend and tell him “I do not want to remember your face and friendship”. Every time you actually attempt to do this, your friend’s face is bound to come in your mind and then only, you can try to forget it! So, this is a difficult one.

Here is what you can do depending upon choice, you make.

1.     You want to be remembered for Right reasons

  • Smile and Style – when you are present among people, use these to make your presence felt. Your style would surface automatically, when you love yourself, respect and like others.
  • Spontaneity and Support – be quick to respond with presence of your mind; do not keep mind somewhere else and talk here. First show your appreciation to others’ views or work and then share your suggestions. People often do vice versa!
  • Solutions and Sympathy – be a solution provider rather than problem narrator or creator. Sympathize with others for their issues or limitations.
  • Seek – unconventional and out-of-box methods within limits of decency.
    I did it, when I started my career in a cement plant at the age of about 20 years. Somehow, I decided to wear only full white dress at work. Cement plants during those days used to be very dusty and with coal powder flying around. At the end of each day, my dress would be dirty and next day I would turn up with spotless white dress again. People could make out from difference in conditions of my dress in morning to evening, how hard I had worked! Soon, I was known in the plant as “Man in White”! In retrospect, I think it was my immaturity; people still remember though!
  • Show – your talent. Each one of you has something exclusive. Identify it, keep enhancing it daily and demonstrate to people, with a view to create values for them.

2.     You want to be remembered for wrong reasons

  • Complain – meet people in elevator as you arrive at work place and complain about lousy weather, bad traffic and security rules. Give dumb or dirty look to people, who smile.
  • Comments – show negative flavor to your stake holders like customers, colleagues, company or community. Show off your knowledge, when not solicited.
  • Criticize – be critical of what is done for you or given to you. Point fingers at what is not there and ignore what is there. Show your supremacy in the name of your high standards and dissatisfaction with others’ efforts.
  • Controversies – get thrill or visibility by raising or involving in controversies and proving your points.
  • Contradictions – show split personality, double standard – one for sub-ordinates and another for supervisor, exhibit belief in contrarian and toxic leadership.

3.     You do not want to be remembered

  • Isolate – live and work in isolation (how?) and be self-centered.
  • Insulate – not approachable, do not interact and no concern for people in neighborhood.
  • Ignore – do not pay attention to rules and rituals, do not think or learn about good or bad and ignore expectations of others from you.

Now, it is time to know the bitter truth of your life. May be you would now discover that you have already made a choice consciously or not consciously! However, majority of you keep juggling around all three choices and do not stick to one, in real life. Effect of choice 1 is negated by 2nd and 3rd is neutral. This is where your miseries come from!!

Stick to the choice that you make and implement. 


Read More

Myths, which you have been living with!

As 2nd step to understand what is behind or inside your life, read and evaluate this.

If your honest answer to all of following points is “Yes, I have been believing and living with these”, you are a “Normal Being”. If some of these are indeed “Myths” for you and you do not actually live with those, you are “Above Normal”. And, if you live with none of these, you are “Meta-Normal”.

  1. You bring your fortune or misfortune with your birth and its timing.
  2. Your talents and/or traits are gifts from your birth or from God and therefore, cannot be changed.
  3. There are people with negative vibes, whose presence affect you and your environments negatively.
  4. What you cannot enjoy now, you can enjoy later or tomorrow.
  5. You are clever enough to hide your inner self – love or hate, disappointment or enchantment, pleasure or pain, frustration or satisfaction, inclination or repulsion – to reflect on your body language.
  6. Quality in everything that you do costs you extra time, efforts, energy or money.
  7. Your instincts, gut feelings or inner voices are governed by meta physics; something that you are unable to explain.
  8. Selection range for your role model/s comes from –
    1. People with power play – Your boss, CEO, head of your country….
    2. People with popularity – Sports person, actor, entertainer, leader of popular movement
    3. People with courage – Military  commander or one, who can damage or dismantle camp of your adversary
  9. Best way to gain knowledge is to do it myself, without seeking involvement, advice or guidance from others.
  10. For best career growth (or at least to keep it safe), play safe, toe boss’ line and not challenge him/her, even if necessary.
  11. Best method to gain popularity and attention is to flaunt, taunt, comment and criticize.
  12. Best strategy to get visibility is to take a dip into crisis, cry for help and secure sympathy.
  13. You can do more than one thing or multitasking at the same moment – work on your laptop or in kitchen, listen to music and talk on cell phone.
  14. Free lunches and freebies come really free, do not have a price tag and hence, cost you nothing.
  15. Your failures or short comings are easily attributable to –
    “Inputs”, “Reasons beyond control”, “Coincidences”….. if nothing else, you would find luck, forefathers, genes or God always handy!

And, there are many more! If anyone of you believe that a particular point is not a myth, please identify same in comments space below. I plan to come back to explain why all of above are myths in real.

Read More

Does this happen with you and your dear ones?

You may find this different; but, this is 1st of several steps that I propose to take you through to create understanding about science /facts behind your life. Read through and make your judgment close to what actually happens with you and people close to you.

  1. If you receive a call from a relative early in morning – 1st thought that comes to your mind, something has gone wrong at his/her end!
  2. Call from customer or boss breaks your sleep – 1st thing you remember is your most (negatively) used word and then, what is it?
  3. Got a tip from morning newspaper how to be more supportive? Your immediate reaction is “this is what my spouse should do” and next in line is your boss and then, adversaries.
  4. Getting late? Compromise on prayers (if you do) and breakfast.
  5. Running late? Find more red traffic signals, more barriers in reaching faster.
  6. In a rush? Forget more, err more, only to be in greater rush.
  7. Not in good mood? Mood of boss or spouse is also not good!
  8. Get into an argument with boss or spouse – you suddenly feel the distance, isolation.
  9. If you commit a mistake, 1st thought comes on how to defend it.
  10. If you face some problem with your customer or colleague or health or so and get upset or nervous, you find more problems waiting in queue. These start to wane, when you gather courage and composure or sleep overnight.
  11. If you like something, you want to have more of it – money, power, beauty, popularity or so and you also start to worry more that you would lose it.
  12. Your nearer ones look better to you, when they are not near (physically) or gone at a distance.
  13. When you wait and watch (counting time) for a thing to happen – a friend to arrive, a good news to come etc., often your wait only appears longer and may not even come through. If you ignore or let it take its own time, it often arrives faster.
  14. At least 1/3rd of your life goes in guessing (a) what would others think of you, when you do something and (b) what is happening to others!
  15. You remember the devil (unlikeable), devil is there often; if you remember saint (likeable), saint often is not there.
    At last, you go to sleep, thinking tomorrow would be better!

Please make an honest attempt to judge each point. Copy and paste the following in “Comment space below” and fill your score at 2 places:

  • Count from above that happens with me …………….. (xx)
  • Count from above that happens to one dear to me ….. (yy)

Please state, if you want to know more of such points in your daily life?

When I get your response, I shall take you to next step of “Science behind Your Life”.

Read More
1 36 37 38 39