When you are on throes of a Dilemma….

Everyone faces dilemma of varying degree at one time or another. Some dilemmas make you dumb or dazed e.g.

• You work with high degree of dedication, dynamism and diligence and one fine morning your boss comes to tell that you are not a good fit.
• You discover that your best friend has been digging under your feet.
• You accidently learn that your partner in love or spouse is not loyal to you.
• You are told that person with whom you often take a bite also bitches and bites at your back.
• You compromise your heart and health to serve your aging parents or parent-in-laws only to be told one day that they are not happy with quality and/or quantum of your efforts.
• Your spouse or child longs for a gift on his/her birthday and you do not have resources or time to arrange it.
• You are in an aeroplane and flight is going to take off in few minutes, and you get a SMS that your spouse has fallen sick.

You feel like throwing up when you face such dilemmas; feel dejected and deluded. You can get confused and cannot comprehend, what should be your response. Depending upon the nature of dilemma, a variety of emotions erupt – frustration, despair, guilt or anger.

Dealing with Dilemma

Most dilemmas involve 2 opposing situations, actions, decisions, requirements, realities or results. To deal or manage, you need to decide which one to respond to or act upon. What prevents you to take to rational position or view is your instantaneous emotion, which is unleashed by a dilemma, as mentioned above i.e. frustration to anger to shock and surprises. Here is what you can do to minimize chances of damages:

1. People tend to react spontaneously, when they face a dilemma. Do not do that and rush to react. Hold back yourself by remembering that heaven would not fall. If it has to fall, it would fall in any case; but you would only improve its chances of falling, if in haste!
2. Try to come out of your emotions consciously. Most make mistakes by sticking to their emotions while encountering a dilemma. Emotions always engage you; but also inflict damage on you.
   Emotions and rationale are 2 opposite sides of same coin; these are mutually exclusive. To take a decent decision or chose a right response, you need Rationale!
3. When emotions ebb, then you would be able to clearly see 2 opposing parts of dilemma – one part would be “your belief, perception, desire, demand or action” and second part is what belies “your belief or perception” or what calls for dropping your “desire, demand or action”.
   Example – if your belief is that you have been giving your best to company and now your boss comes to tell that you don’t, then 2nd part is clearly “belying your belief!”
4. 1st part has been a reality for you. Now, accept that emerging 2nd part is also a reality, which you cannot ignore! You, now, need to make a choice, which part you would hold and respond.
5. If you continue to keep your emotions at bay, you would be able to make a right choice between the 2 opposing realities, based upon information or knowledge available to you.
   Example – Your belief that you have a best friend; but is a foe has now to be weighed by evaluating new information. You would be able to take a conscious call, if emotions are not present, what to believe. Likewise, you have to overcome your shock, when you come to know that your spouse in not loyal to you, find out what is true or false. Could be that it is true. Then, you can decide whether to accept and work for a change in your spouse’s behavior or abandon.
6. Once you make a choice, move forward confidently and decisively. Do not delve for another dilemma whether you are right or wrong in making a choice. It is not possible that to be right always. Most important thing is to believe that you have taken decision in right earnest. So, do not regret; but face what can follow after you made a choice.
7. Remain on your course but be flexible to change it, in case you hit a new reality. Some dilemmas or decisions taken by you consequently can make you feel guilty. This is the last thing you should allow to descend on you, as long as you are moving with no malice in mind!

If you drive on above lines, you can be sure that your dilemma may change to your delight!!!