Biggest blunder in our world – dealing with “wrong” by going wrong!

When things go wrong! Source:

To deal with what has gone wrong, we tend to adopt wrong ways! Most of us feel justified in doing so and in that process, we go more wrong and commit more blunders!!

Above self-justification usually comes in 2 ways:

  1. No; we are not doing anything wrong by going wrong, since that is the only way a wrong person or thing can be corrected!
  2. We can’t help going wrong; after all we are human beings!

Justifying what one does is in our DNA. Therefore, we generally don’t care whether our actions bring right results or make things worse.

Open any chapter of history or observe current happenings; writing on wall is very clear –

“Whenever things had gone bad, people had lost their balance or goodness, resorted to bad means and hit the wall. Then either they had come to their senses to do right things and restore normalcy or continued to struggle with no sign of “bad or wrong attitude, approach, behavior or things” abating!”

This saga continues at all levels – from personal to companies to countries. If employees could not meet their targets, hell would be broken loose by bosses. If some sub-ordinates are weak in performance or personality, first thing that a supervisor would do is to ignore or avoid communicating with them. If a profit center in a company has incurred losses, heads would roll. If a kid or household help has broken a glass, we will break lose our temper.

Let us look at what happens when there is conflict among a group of people. Emotions and temper would run high. Conflict escalates. But it ebbs, when counsel by one wise person within the group or from outside prevails on wisdom of the rest and if that does not happen, the conflict would only engulf many more!

Take fanaticism or fundamentalism in several parts of world at this time. Some people are imposing their doctrines or dogmas at global level through terror and killings. To counter or suppress that, some countries use their weaponry technology, power and money muscles, resulting into more killings and further maligning and multiplying those, who are already malignant!

When something goes wrong with our health – common cold, catch in the legs to cancer – most manage to mess it up further. We would become pessimistic, sad, irritated…, though every doctor would advise – be cheerful and hopeful! No doubt, treatment would do its job to cure/heal; but all researches show that evergreen advice of doctors and a good frame of mind would accelerate restoration of health and/or make it much less painful!!

Simplest problem like being in rush, majority mismanages to do everything (avoidable) to go in reverse gear! 

From above examples, it is very clear that wrong approach can never mutilate wrong; instead, it would help it mutate and multiply!

Why nearly all of us go wrong in dealing with wrong

Here is the deal:

  1. Action on basis of 1st reaction of our mind is the easiest thing to do!
    Majority confuses 1st reaction of mind as their instincts and that is a worse gaffe!!
  2. Above spontaneously satisfies our ego and that gives birth to our biases and a feeling of being justified in our actions.
  3. It then leads to cementing the thoughts at the back of our mind that what we perceive as bad or wrong things must be dealt by giving back, pointing fingers, banging, anger, accusation or shouting to physical harm in worst case.
  4. Negativity always sits on our nose and hence is handy; whereas positivity needs patience and peace of mind that we find difficult to practice!
  5. Our history and hormones have inculcated hero cult in us, which gives us sadistic pleasure of seeing offenders or villains being thrashed out verbally or bodily or even finished.
  6. It is for above reason that we feel compelled to retaliate against wrong doings!

Why only “right” has possibility and power to root out “wrong”!

We seem to ignore the simplest analogy or logic, nature has beautifully presented to us:

Identical polarities or charges repel each other e.g. two negative or positive charges would move apart and can’t impact each other; therefore, the two survive individually. But, a positive and a negative charge would collide and cancel each other. By the same token, a wrong or bad can be corrected by right or good, but never by another wrong or bad action! It is also precisely for same reason that wrong brings reaction and retribution, whereas right bestows reconciliation and restoration!!

Unfortunately, aforesaid 6 points create illusion in minds of most what exactly is wrong or right. Clearly, wrong is what creates reactions, raises emotions or temper, conflict or controversy and interference with others.

Right is clearly what creates solutions initially or eventually and would result in:

  1. Evoking tolerance, patience and positive vibes
  2. Eliciting understanding and acceptance of the way others are and why they do things in consonance or contradiction to your expectations
  3. Encouraging open communication on your part
  4. Ebbing or Erasing past memories of your prejudices
  5. Evolving your response, action or judgment without fear but with fairness and frankness

So, if you can rely on what is right as above, you can comfortably deal with or manage what is not right or conflicts, controversy, crisis or even crime at personal, professional or public level, regardless you are employer, employee, supervisor, sub-ordinate, buddy or bête noire!

What simple and sincere employees or people can do to prevent being manipulated!

Simple but smart at same time! Source:

To be simple and sincere are invaluable qualities; but irony is employees or people in general, possessing these, are often at the receiving end! I have witnessed and I am sure, several or most of you have experienced how simple and sincere people suffer and complex personalities succeed. The latter walks over the former and thrive.

Bitter pill of our life is that it has become complex, more so in corporate life. One, who is able to talk others out, is considered an effective communicator; those, who are able to play games and put peers into trouble, are perceived as smart and strategists; those with dual faces are recognized as robust! Simple and sincere people are considered as holy cows and harmless creatures, who can be taken as granted. They can be shaken, juggled around and made scapegoat in event of your own failure, without any fear of reaction or rebellion from them.

Is not it unfortunate that instead of rare qualities of being simple and sincere be revered and rewarded, those are constantly subjected to repression, be it a company, society or family? Holy homilies in face of complex world goes for a toss! Seeing such a scenario, those, who by their nature or genes cannot be anything but simple, end up cursing their noble qualities and charter, to their chagrin, a course to become complex and callous!

You can notice what is in vogue in corporate and public life – take pride to talk about simplicity and sincerity but walk out, when it comes to practicing it.

Does it mean to be simple and sincere is a sordid saga?

Weaknesses, simple and sincere (S&S) people unknowingly associate to!

S&S people need to understand that if they go through sufferings, it is their own making. Like it or not, fact is that every problem starts and stops with you.

Here below are cruxes of the problem:

  1. S&S people gain lot of satisfaction and success to start with. As a result, they put more faith in simplicity and sincerity. They start to exercise these qualities blindly and fail to notice when their ownership (on these qualities) crosses over to obsession! Once that happens, they would be willing to make undue sacrifices, retreat and relent often in order that they may not be seen as complex; dividing line between sincerity and over-sincerity or in-sincerity becomes hazy to them!
  2. Consequently, they become meek and mellowed.
  3. For fear of being caught in controversies or complexities, they start to tread safe. They lose appetite for risk taking and avoid taking initiatives.
  4. They become poor in conflict management – a highly sought after quality!
  5. They become averse to assert and hold ground, when they are right.
  6. They dislike to be decisive and firm.
  7. Their self-esteem ebbs and that is a starting point for loss of their confidence!

You can now imagine with so much going wrong as above with S&S people, why difficult and dishonest ones would not have a cake walk over them. That is what you can witness all over the world!

Making Simplicity and Sincerity as your super strength!

If good qualities do not give you good results, believe that you are surely going wrong somewhere. Find out what and why and address what is wrong.

Every good quality, simplicity and sincerity included, comes by thoughtfulness and consolidates through practice and planning. Watch out that wrong qualities are spontaneous and would mutate and multiply by themselves. Good qualities are self-limiting; whereas bad ones have no limits; yet ultimate winner is what is good.

To make S&S your super strength, you can do following:

  1. Make sure that your faith in S&S is complete. Then, you would become straight-forward, suave and honest! You would rise above self and would not fear about complications, controversies or conflicts.
  2. Complex, callous, toxic or temperamental people try to exhibit their courage by creating chaos; as a matter of fact, they are coward. So, never yield grounds to what they claim or choose to do.
  3. Never get perturbed, when complex people push you to the wall. Just observe them with patience. They are bound to commit mistake sooner or later, when you need to catch and tell them to retreat.
  4. Listen more –> talk less –> act more. 
  5. Make silence as your strength and smile as your sword!
  6. When faced with crisis, you may feel insinuated to seek shelter under faulty qualities or practices. But, remember, there is no situation in any walk of life, when you have to become bad to tackle bad! Bad is best tackled by being good!
  7. Be tactical, but never political, be clever/smart, but never cunning; be firm, but never ferocious!
    So, be tactical, smart and firm; otherwise you would be swallowed by sharks around you! 
  8. Link S&S to purpose or goals of your life, raise the bar and make persistent and consistent efforts to reach there. Never be afraid of difficulties, since these are milestones that direct you towards destination! 
  9. Last and most important thing – never mix good and bad qualities; it can only create a mess or make you bad. This is the fundamental mistake, masses commit!
    Goodness can only exist and evolve as a whole and never in parts! Goodness alone can bridge gap between you and God!! If this be the case, why should you ever abandon it?

So, to be simple and sincere is superlative, which in its true form can never frustrate or fail you!

Mind boggling effect of thoughts on our being, body and its built!

Reflection of good thoughts! Source:

A study by scientists of Swansea and Milan Universities of people in various age groups has concluded that those, who spent too much time on internet, are more susceptible to caching cold and flu. Internet addicted people suffer from stress, when they are disconnected with internet. Cycle of relief and stress that they go through leads to altered levels of cortisol – a hormone, which is responsible for impacting human body immune function. Previous research had shown that excessive use of internet leads to greater sleep deprivation, worse eating and drinking habits among users. Note that culprit may be internet; but real cause is addiction and/or stress, which is nothing but thoughts albeit negative!

In 1950’s, Henry K. Bleecher of Harvard University published his research finding that 30 to 40% of patients suffering from chronic ailments improved after taking a placebo! A placebo is like dummy tablet say sugar pill that has no therapeutic value, but patient sees it as part of treatment without recognizing that it is dummy but believing it would help. Since then lot of medical research has proved that placebo does work and leads to biological changes in body, which are actually triggered by psychological changes. It only establishes intimate relationship of brain with body; mind over matter!

How our brain controls body

Regardless of biological explanations how brain controls our body, bottom line of this control is our thoughts. Ironically, very little work has been done in physics or physiology on “How a thought gets developed in human mind”! It is our thought that sends command through nerves/ blood vessels to concerned part of body to control it in a specified manner.

See below short/long term physical effects of thoughts on our body:

  1. If you are generally optimistic (essentially positive thoughts), your eyes glow and face wears smile or serenity! In longer term, aging effect on your body is slower.
  2. If you are carefree and rarely tense, you would enjoy good health and immunity with body weight being normal. However, if you become careless/casual, you would run risk of becoming obese.
  3. If you a confident person (confidence comes by clear thoughts), you would raise your head, look straight and walk fast. Over time, you are less likely to suffer from cervical or spinal problems!
  4. If you are generally stern and angry faced, you would develop crow’s feet lines around eyes and wrinkles on forehead.
  5. If you are worrying or stressing type, you would be vulnerable to host of health issues – poor digestion system, IBS, high blood pressure, diabetes, cardiac ailments or disturbed sleep leading to dark shadows under eyes and weak immune system!

Train your thoughts and tag your world along!

Everything that we experience comes through our thoughts in mind! It is only our thoughts, which give us feeling of life in ourselves and in others around us. Absence of thoughts is absence of life and in medical terms, one is brain dead. Our intentions, perceptions, ego, emotions, desires, needs, habits, tendencies, traits, biases, beliefs, fears or faiths are nothing but a set of thoughts. We tend to classify those differently, since our sensory response to each of them is different. Our world is roughly 50% physical comprising of matter and energy and 50% is virtual comprising of our thoughts!

Such is colossal effect of thoughts; but equally callous/casual is the approach of most people towards thoughts! Normal tendency is to think – oh, what is there? It is just a thought; it does not matter! Stark fact is our thoughts become our talks and tasks, after getting converted into words and wishes/wants!

Thoughts also create radical impact:

  • Thoughts help you dream and design your destiny! 
  • They shape your personality!
    Medical field generally talks of genes impacting your persona. But, genes only determine your tendencies and your thoughts can alter same. If genetic tendencies are favorable, impact of your thoughts would get accentuated; but if contradictory, those would impede impact and you would struggle more for a change!
  • Thoughts can influence upcoming events, until those become a reality! 

Now, how to train your thoughts!

My research has revealed that you can train your mind only for positive thoughts; but never for negative thoughts! Negative thoughts would always build automatically!!

Less positive you are, more negative would you be. When your negativity recedes, positivity rises! To train your thoughts:

  1. If you are happy and hopeful, you are ready to go to step no. 6 below.
  2. If your mind is laden with loads of thoughts, divert your mind and get busy with your work, until your mind becomes light.
  3. If you are confused or irritated and can’t find reason for same, believe that what is in your mind is rubbish. Simply discard it.
  4. If your mind is preoccupied with some problems, determine what needs your immediate attention and what can wait. List down the latter on a piece of paper; but attend what is immediate, leaving aside everything else.
  5. Finally, when you think you are focused, then is the time for next step.
  6. Practice to build your thoughts only on basis of your present observations or goals and knowledge but never emotions.
    Nothing else must be considered to build your thoughts.
  7. Our mind keeps wandering, which actually means random thoughts roaming in our mind. Lot of researchers and psychologists suggest that allow them to come and go; just observe. This is a right thing to do; but what is not right is to create pressure in mind to drive them away, since by doing so, you create opposing thoughts, which is wrong. Instead, believe random thoughts are redundant; hence give no importance. This is the best way to practice and push them away!
    Another significant revelation from my research – “Random thoughts or remembrance of even most loved or respected ones, including God, can’t stand you in good stead! It means a malady in mind – traces or tones of obsession or prejudice!!” So, practice to think or remember even God consciously!
  8. Drill in your mind nothing is more important than to focus of what you choose to do now!
  9. Secret of your positive thoughts is surfacing of your happiness! Practice to capture and consolidate those thoughts!!
  10. Make serious efforts to allow single thought at a time in your mind!

By training your thoughts as above, you would witness miraculous and mind-blowing changes in your being and body!

Nothing can be sustained in steady state; so what’s in your hands!

Calm or chaotic? Source:

When going is good, everyone would like it to keep going! But, then soon, you would get tired, bored or jittery, much as you would not like it happen and your rendezvous with gala time comes to an end.

You are happy that most of your customers are highly satisfied with you and believe that you can now breathe it easy. And, suddenly comes a communication from a very angry customer. This is followed by more disturbing news from other customers or your bosses or buddies.

When you thank your stars that for days, your spouse has been lovely in treating you is the time something lousy crops-up, derailing your dreamy run! When you feel proud that you have not fallen sick for months is what seems to attract a sickening month. When you think that your trouble are finally over is actually the onset of new troubles.

There are top notch organizations like Apple, Microsoft, IBM, Siemens or Dell. They have rarely been able to stabilize for long and always face risk of getting toppled by rivals or internal issues!

USA has gone strength to strength from its policies and principles of peace, democracy, secularism, civil and economic freedom; but despite foolproof security, advance warning and mock exercises, it got hit by unprecedented terror strike on 9/11, 2001; encountered great economic meltdown in 2008; it is facing threats from increasing number of religious outfits and rise of its real economic rival – China with no democracy and free market!

From above, it is clear that much as we would like it to be, nature does not allow steady state, continuous run or growth for too long! It allows all other possible alternatives to creep in and create chaos or disturbance!!

Signs that steady state can’t last long!

There are several footprints of nature that corroborate this:

  1. 2nd Law of thermodynamics
    This is highly celebrated law, which states that entropy i.e. heat energy of any body can’t remain constant. It would always increase with time. It applies to molecules of our body at micro level to universe at macro level.
  2. Our Universe is ever expanding
    Experimental observations till date suggest that universe in which we live has been expanding ever since its birth 13.8 billion years ago. We would face full scale calamities, if it ever contracts.
  3. Every particle or planet is in dynamic state
    Nothing in universe is steady or static! Idea of a steady state is only an illusion and desire for the same an impossible dream!!
    Atoms or sub-atomic particles, of which every substance or scenario is made, are constantly spinning and moving.
  4. Time is constantly moving forward
    If time was to be static, there would not be any life anywhere! It is constantly moving forward at speed of light. If arrow of time ever reverses even in a laboratory, there would utter chaos and things would go upside down.
  5. Continuous biological changes in our body
    Because of above, our body is constantly subject to changes and that leads to our aging with time.

Despite above dynamics, the only thing, which remains constant is our Mind!!! Never mistake mind as your brain. Are you surprised? But, it is true. What actually change in our mind are our observations and thoughts!

Hence, nothing holds out a higher promise or potential than your mind!

So, what in our hands?

A lot!

From foregoing, we can conclude nature loves to disturb or change, whereas we like to continue with what we love!!

How do we manage this contradiction – probably one of the biggest?

Here is the key – if you manage the opposite, you shall master the main! It is like – if you manage your weaknesses, you would automatically become strong!!

This reinforces a well-known message – “Manage Change”, but it actually comes with a master stroke of “Mastering the Steady State”! 

Disturbances, chaos or changes are of 2 types – one, which is beyond your control and second, which is within your control.

Here below are two top secrets, on which most humans flounder and blunder:

  1. Chaos or change, which is beyond your control
    Accept and appreciate!
    But never resist or react!!
    Yes; it is as simple as that to manage, yet you find it hard to do. You can break your head over what has become real; but reality remains!
    Chaos is local as well as at large. Consider local chaos as a circle with radius r. If you embrace it, r would either remain same or reduce; if you don’t, r would enlarge!
    Take an example – your dear one got hurt. If you lose your head, you would be anxious or angry and would fail to think in time the next step to alleviate her/his hurt. However, if you keep your head cool, you would swing into right action to address it.
    Nevertheless, by 2nd law of thermodynamics, if you contain or collapse local chaos, it must correspondingly increase it at large. But, that is not your headache.
  2. Chaos or change that in under your control
    Drive it right away and right way!
    But never put it away!!
    Everyone knows it; but seldom does it. Common chore is to allow it to descend and then drive into action. By then, it is generally too late. It is not that all changes are good. If random changes run down to become realities, you run the risk of facing wrong changes.

Key conclusion is – it is in your hands to shrink local circle of wrong chaos/change and swell that of right one! If you do that, it would give you steady run and stable growth!!

Is goodness good beyond a certain point?

A taste of Goodness! Source:

If your answer is yes, it is not right!

If your answer is no and you mean to turn to bad after that point, it is completely wrong!!

If your answer is yes and you chose to be neutral – neither good nor bad – beyond that point, then only it is right!!!

Here is why?

During my tenure with a German multinational organization, my colleagues in another group got a new boss. Within few days, these colleagues discovered that he was difficult to deal with. These colleagues decided to stick to their decency, with a hope that boss would change. But that did not happen, even after several months. Over next few further months, some colleagues decided to act difficult with the boss; few would not co-operate or ignore his direction by making one excuse or another. This made the boss very toxic and vindictive against them. There were others, who continued with their good attitude towards the boss. Instead of appreciating, boss started to take his frustration for those, who were acting difficult, on them, overload them with work, yet term them under-performers and timid. Net result was that all employees were unhappy and boss was unrelenting but with increasing frustration.

In a relationship, if you keep tolerating truant behavior of your partner or spouse, you may run risk of lending support to his/her toxic leanings. If your good attitude does not bring a change and you turn it towards bad, it would spell a disaster.

If you keep fulfilling demands of a kid out of love, reasonable or not, you would encourage that kid to become demanding and in turn dictatorial in latter part of life; but if you don’t, without making her/him understand, you would drive kid to become obstinate.

Belief “When goodness does not work, switch to be bad” is a big bane!

This belief is thoroughly blended in the blood of majority. If kindness does not yield result, resort to cruelty; if friendship does not work, find an answer through ferocity; build or break! Most of us seem to swing between two extremes. We don’t let go; don’t call it quits or ignore. And this is what turns a beauty into burden, blessing into bane and great into grim. We would justify our wrong action under cover of having tried right one. That is bunk!

This goes on micro to macro levels. Look at how handling of terrorism has been goofed and lives of millions made ever unsafe!

When things don’t work out for us, most of us have learnt to derive emotional satisfaction through blame games, biases, bashing, banishing, booing, anger, antagonism or abandonment! Often, one sees immediate results; but that is an illusion; it is actually the making of worse things to come!! World over, everyone thinks that wrong means can win him/her right; but every time everyone has been proved wrong. That is what human history shows. Moreover, if you rendezvous with or resort to bad means, you run risk of losing your goodness for good.

So, if good does not give results, going for bad is never a good option!

Endless goodness is not good either!

If you do it right or good, you would get good results. You would then be tempted to do more of it. At one point, it would give rise to greed, addiction to good and then things start to go down. Take any example – loyalty of an employee beyond a certain level becomes a liability and employer would subtly start to dislike it. Dedication above a certain decibel is disastrous.

Endless goodness would end you up exploited in hands of evil or bad ones! Worst still is that any strong attribute such as endless goodness is like an electric charge, which would attract the opposite and set you on a course of collision.

So, never forget that good is really good until it hits a limit!

Being neutral is next to good!

Learning and practicing to be neutral is one of the nicest things to do. When things don’t work out despite your best try, it is pointless to keep trying same way. Leave it and come to a neutral point. Just take no position, neither left nor right. Be at the center and watch for things to settle on their own.

To come to center or neutral state, you can do one or most of following:

  • No reaction or emotion, just observation of what is going on
  • Be silent and serene; but not stern
  • Ignore, if need arises
  • Neither bend nor back-out
  • Never give-in; but you should let go
  • Stick to facts and stay unruffled
  • Maintain calm and candor
  • Do communicate but concisely and precisely
  • Remain firm and fair

When you are neutral or at center, you would make unique experience of:

  1. Sowing in you seeds of decisiveness
  2. Learning divinity in detachment
  3. Understanding what it means to hold your feet firmly on ground
  4. Raising your self-esteem
  5. Finding real purpose in your pursuits

To sum up, if goodness is gold, your ability to go to center would add to its glitter!